Quotes by Authors - Page 5059

The mind is a complex and many-layered thing, Potter... or at least, most minds are...
J.K. Rowling
Q: You'er presented with a smooth-faced, eight-foot-high wooden wall. Your objective? Get over it. To, like, save comrades or something. How to accomplish this?A: Take a running start, brace one foot against the wall, throw one hand to the top, try to hang on long enough for a comrade to either grab your hand at the top or for another comrade to push your butt up from below. It takes team work! over it.
James Patterson
If I ever meet myself,' said Zaphod, 'I'll hit myself so hard I won't know what's hit me.
Douglas Adams
Meaning what? We're going to pretend nothing's going on? That's stupid. The only way to deal with any of this is to get it out in the open."Have you been watching Oprah again?
James Patterson
Boy, those French! They have a different word for everything.
Steve Martin
Oh, dear God and baby Jesus in the manger, my eyes!” Dee shrieked. “My eyes!
Jennifer L. Armentrout
Okay," I said. "Just a normal afternoon and two normal people."She nodded. "And so...hypothetically, if these to people likes each other, what would it take to get the stupid guy to kiss the girl, huh?""Oh..." I felt like one of Apollo's sacred cows-slow, dumb, and bright red. "Um...
Rick Riordan
I’ve met plenty of embarrassing parents, but Kronos, the evil Titan Lord who wanted to destroy Western Civilization? Not the kind of dad you invited toschool for Career Day.
Rick Riordan
I can't go on, I'll go on.
Samuel Beckett
Stupid men are the only ones worth knowing after all.
Jane Austen
The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
George Carlin
Do not do that again," he said stiffly."Don't kiss me back then," I retorted.He stared at me for what seemed like forever. "I don't give 'Zen lessons' to hear myself talk. I don't give them because you're another student. I'm doing this to teach you control.""You're doing a great job," I said bitterly.
Richelle Mead
Don't wreck a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty.Chocolate isn't like premarital sex. It will not make you pregnant.And it always feels good.
Lora Brody
We're not retreating, we're advancing in reverse.' --Skulduggery Pleasant
Derek Landy
Leo lowered his screwdriver. He looked at the ceiling and shook his head like, What am I gonna do with this guy? "I try very hard to be annoying," Leo said. "Don't insult my ability to annoy. And how am I supposed to resent you if you go apologizing? I'm a lowly mechanic. You're like the prince of the sky, son of the Lord of the Universe. I'm supposed to resent you." "Lord of the Universe?" (Jason) "Sure, you're all-bam! Lightning man. And 'Watch me fly. I am the eagle that soars-" (Leo) "Shut up, Valdez." (Jason) Leo managed a little smile. "Yeah, see. I do annoy you." "I apologize for apologizing." (Jason) "Thank you." He went back to work, but the tension had eased between them. Leo still looked sad and exhausted-just not quite so angry.
Rick Riordan
Ooh, you look much tastier than Crabbe and Goyle, Harry" said Hermione, before catching sight of Ron's raised eyebrows, blushing slightly and saying "oh you know what I mean - Goyle's Potion looked like bogies.
J.K. Rowling
I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.
Dorothy Parker
Frank stared at him. "Unfair? You can breathe underwater and blow up glaciers and summon freaking hurricanes-and it's unfair that I can be an elephant?"Percy considered. "Okay. I guess you got a point. But the next time I say you're totally beast-""Just shut up," Frank said. "Please."Percy cracked a smile.
Rick Riordan
I’ll make Goyle do lines, it’ll kill him, he hates writing,” said Ron happily. He lowered his voice to Goyle’s low grunt and, screwing up his face in a look of pained concentration, mimed writing in midair. “I... must... not... look... like... a... baboon’s... backside.
J.K. Rowling
Red hair, sir, in my opinion, is dangerous.
P.G. Wodehouse
Fred, you next," the plump woman said. "I'm not Fred, I'm George," said the boy. "Honestly, woman, you call yourself our mother? Can't you tell I'm George?" "Sorry, George, dear." "Only joking, I am Fred," said the boy and off he went.
J.K. Rowling
The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.
Terry Pratchett
Someday I must read this scholar Everyone. He seems to have written so much--all of it wrong.
Tamora Pierce
That was the funniest thing I'd heard in days.You're kidding, right? PLEASE tell me you have a stronger motive for me than 'fair is fair.' Life isn't FAIR, Dean....Nothing is fair, EVER. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I need to help you because FAIR IS FAIR? Try, 'I need you to help me so I won't rip out your spine and beat you with it.' I MIGHT respond to that. MAYBE.
James Patterson
I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
George Carlin
This book was written using 100% recycled words.
Terry Pratchett
You're Hell's Angels, then? What chapter are you from?''REVELATIONS. CHAPTER SIX.
Neil Gaiman
Almost everything strange washes up near Miami.
Rick Riordan
My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre and that I am therefore excused from saving universes.
Douglas Adams
I've begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the sun. It's there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, and a lovely day. There's no mystery, no one asks for money, I don't have to dress up, and there's no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to 'God' are all answered at about the same 50% rate.
George Carlin
The house smelled musty and damp, and a little sweet, as if it were haunted by the ghosts of long-dead cookies.
Neil Gaiman
Perhaps I can stay by the fire and mend your socks and scream if I hear any strange noises.
Kristin Cashore
I’ve been drunk for about a week now, and I thought it might sober me up to sit in a library.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
Dorothy Parker
Bad news, Harry. I've just been to see Professor McGonagall about the Firebolt. She – er, got a bit shirty with me. Told me I'd got my priorities wrong. Seemed to think I cared more about winning the Cup than I do about staying alive. Just because I told her I didn't care if it threw you off, as long as you caught the Snitch first.
J.K. Rowling
Gym should be illegal. It's humiliating.
Laurie Halse Anderson
They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit," Valkyrie said. China glanced at her. "They've obviously never met me.
Derek Landy
Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did? Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm's Thermonuclear League of Liberty. Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin. Calvin: [retrospectively] I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
Bill Watterson
You're not a woman," he said finally. "You're the Grim Reaper with red hair!
Jeaniene Frost
Leaving us with Eric is like hiring a babysitter who spends his time sharpening knives.
Veronica Roth
Just give me a second. Attempting to give a fuck...Attempting harder to give a fuck...Sorry, there was an error; fuck not given.
Suzanne Wright
Any fool can make a ruleAnd any fool will mind it.
Henry David Thoreau
25 And the Lord spake unto the Angel that guarded the eastern gate, saying 'Where is the flaming sword that was given unto thee?'26 And the Angel said, 'I had it here only a moment ago, I must have put it down some where, forget my own head next.'27 And the Lord did not ask him again.
Neil Gaiman
That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.
Dorothy Parker
There are moments, Jeeves, when one asks oneself, 'Do trousers matter?'""The mood will pass, sir.
P.G. Wodehouse
Until a man is twenty-five, he still thinks, every so often, that under the right circumstances he could be the baddest motherfucker in the world. If I moved to a martial-arts monastery in China and studied real hard for ten years. If my family was wiped out by Colombian drug dealers and I swore myself to revenge. If I got a fatal disease, had one year to live, and devoted it to wiping out street crime. If I just dropped out and devoted my life to being bad.
Neal Stephenson
Name the different kinds of people,’ said Miss Lupescu. ‘Now.’Bod thought for a moment. ‘The living,’ he said. ‘Er. The dead.’ He stopped. Then, ‘... Cats?’ he offered, uncertainly.
Neil Gaiman
I've had great success being a total idiot.
Jerry Lewis
Ah, pay no heed if your enemies laugh. They'll not be able to once you lop off their heads.
Christopher Paolini
An original idea. That can't be too hard. The library must be full of them.
Stephen Fry
Hello, Minister!" bellowed Percy, sending a neat jinx straight at Thicknesse, who dropped his wand and clawed at the front of his robes, apparently in awful discomfort. "Did I mention I'm resigning?
J.K. Rowling
A bear, however hard he tries, grows tubby without exercise.
A.A. Milne
Noah shifted on the bed, and the oddest crunching sound came underneath him. I looked, really looked, at the bed for the first time."What," I asked slowly, as I eyed the animal crackers strewn all over it, "the hell?""You were convinced they were your pets," Noah said, not even trying to suppress his laughter. "You wouldn't let me touch them.
Michelle Hodkin
No one in the world gets what they want and that is beautiful.
Ernest Cline
You smell good," he whispered into my neck. He was warm against me. Instinctively, I arched back into him and smiled. "Really?" "Mmm-hmm. Delicious. Like bacon.
Michelle Hodkin
Have you ever had a girlfriend, Kenji?" me?
Tahereh Mafi
Number of empty Ben & Jerry's containers: 3 -- two mint chocolate cookie, one plain vanilla. (Who buys plain vanilla ice cream from Ben & Jerry's, anyway? Is there a greater waste?)
Ally Carter
Your brain is doing some great work when it's laughing.
Jon Scieszka
I hate you," I muttered.Noah smiled wider. "I know.
Michelle Hodkin
These books can't possibly compete with centuries of established history, especially when that history is endorsed by the ultimate bestseller of all time." Faukman's eyes went wide. "Don't tell me Harry Potter is actually about the Holy Grail.""I was referring to the Bible."Faukman cringed. "I knew that.
Dan Brown