Quotes by Authors - Page 5057

My dad used to say that life's a journey, but somebody screwed up and lost the map.
Rachel Caine
But this room looked like it had been decorated by the unholy lovechild of Barbie and Strawberry Shortcake.
Rachel Hawkins
Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was Oh no, not again. Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the Universe than we do now.
Douglas Adams
This calls for a very special blend of psychology and extreme violence.
Ben Elton
Are you any good at it?""Pulling idiots out of the snow? I'm the best.
Cynthia Hand
Yes Yeswhen God created love he didn't help most when God created dogs He didn't help dogs when God created plants that was average when God created hate we had a standard utility when God created me He created me when God created the monkey He was asleep when He created the giraffe He was drunk when He created narcotics He was high and when He created suicide He was low when He created you lying in bed He knew what He was doing He was drunk and He was high and He created the mountains and the sea and fire at the same time He made some mistakes but when He created you lying in bed He came all over His Blessed Universe.
Charles Bukowski
Did you see me disarm Hermione, Harry?""Only once" said Hermione stung. "I got you loads more then you got me—""I did not only get you once, I got you at least three times—""Well if you're counting the one where you tripped over your own feet and knocked the wand out of my hand—
J.K. Rowling
Every day we're told that we live in the greatest country on earth. And it's always stated as an undeniable fact: Leos are born between July 23 and August 22, fitted queen-size sheets measure sixty by eighty inches, and America is the greatest country on earth. Having grown up with this in our ears, it's startling to realize that other countries have nationalistic slogans of their own, none of which are 'We're number two!
David Sedaris
Neither were you [born yesterday], unless of course I am wrong, in which case welcome to the world, little baby, and congratulations on learning to read so early in life.
Lemony Snicket
Who are you?" he asked.I am the future queen of this world, at the very least. You may refer to me as Mistress Koboi for the next five minutes. After that you may refer to me as Aaaaarrrrgh, hold your throat, die screaming, and so on.
Eoin Colfer
We're going to knock those demons out and slay them with the power of Jesus. Hallelujah, can I get an amen?- Timmie
Jeaniene Frost
Pooh," said Rabbit kindly, "you haven't any brain." "I know," said Pooh humbly.
A.A. Milne
I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.
P.G. Wodehouse
When you're the only sane person, you look like the only insane person.
Criss Jami
I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point.
Bill Watterson
And it's Gryfindor in possession again, as Johnson takes the Quaffle— Flint alongside her —poke him in the eye, Angelina —it was a joke, professor, it was a joke...
J.K. Rowling
My reading list grows exponentially. Every time I read a book, it'll mention three other books I feel I have to read. It's like a particularly relentless series of pop-up ads.
A.J. Jacobs
You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go.
Bill Watterson
The staircase that was revealed was lit with a soft red glow.I feel like I'm walking down into a porn movie," V muttered as they took the steps with care.Wouldn't that require more black candles for you," Zsadist cracked.At the bottom of the landing, they looked left and right down a corridor carved out of stone, seeing row after row of...black candles with ruby color flames.I take that back," Z said, eyeing the display.We start hearing chick-a-wow-wow shit," V cut in, "can I start calling you Z-packed?"Not if you want to keep breathing.
J.R. Ward
If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.
Woody Allen
You're still here. No beer. I'm not corrupting a minor." a minor," she pointed out. "At least for beer.""Yeah, and by the way, how much does it suck that I'm an adult if I kill somebody, and I'm not if I want a beer?
Rachel Caine
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
Calvin Trillin
Kronos would be 10 times more powerful. His very presence would incinerate you. And once he achieves this he will empower the other Titans. They are weak, compared to what they soon will become, unless you can stop them, the world will fall, the gods will die, and I will never achieve a perfect score on this stupid machine.
Rick Riordan
Whoa. Fangs. She had fangs.She leaned in, prodded them a little. Eating with those puppies was going to take some getting used to, she thought.On impulse, she brought up her hands, turned her fingers into claws. Hissed.Cool.
J.R. Ward
Thinking is hard work, which is why you don't see many people doing it.
Sue Grafton
Oh, look at that, he's heard of me. My fame grows.
Julie Kagawa
Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
Woody Allen
As with most of life's problems, this one can be solved by a box of pure radiation.
Andy Weir
Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.
Terry Pratchett
Dude, I don’t want to talk about Lacey’s prom shoes. And I’ll tell you why: I have this thing that makes me really uninterested in prom shoes. It’s called a penis.
John Green
A well-read woman is a dangerous creature.
Lisa Kleypas
Death, taxes and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them.
Margaret Mitchell
If you think this Universe is bad, you should see some of the others.
Philip K Dick
You'd be surprised how many people in the modern age no longer fear zombies as much as teletubies.
Sherrilyn Kenyon
Whereas story is processed in the mind in a straightforward manner, poetry bypasses rational thought and goes straight to the limbic system and lights it up like a brushfire. It's the crack cocaine of the literary world.
Jasper Fforde
One of the greatest myths in the world - & the phrase 'greatest myths' is just a fancy way of saying 'big fat lies' -- is that troublesome things get less & less troublesome if you do them more & more. People say this myth when they are teaching children to ride bicycles, for instance, as though falling off a bicycle & skinning your knee is less troublesome the fourteenth time you do it than it is the first time. The truth is that troublesome things tend to remain troublesome no matter how many times you do them, & that you should avoid doing them unless they are absolutely urgent.
Lemony Snicket
That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.
Bill Watterson
Terrific. A bisexual dominant vampire with kidnapping expertise.
J.R. Ward
You look too pretty to be useful." "Truer words were never spoken.
Richelle Mead
Just deleting vandalism on the Chuck Norris page," Radar said. "For instance, while I do think that Chuck Norris specializes in the roundhouse kick, I don't think it's accurate to say, 'Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer, but unfortunately he has never cried.
John Green
I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.
Steve Martin
I like the relaxed way in which the Japanese approach religion. I think of myself as basically a moral person, but I'm definitely not religious, and I'm very tired of the preachiness and obsession with other people's behavior characteristic of many religious people in the United States. As far as I could tell, there's nothing preachy about Buddhism. I was in a lot of temples, and I still don't know what Buddhists believe, except that at one point Kunio said 'If you do bad things, you will be reborn as an ox.'This makes as much sense to me as anything I ever heard from, for example, the Reverend Pat Robertson.
Dave Barry
In theory it was, around now, Literature. Susan hated Literature. She'd much prefer to read a good book.
Terry Pratchett
Anybody who says they are a good liar obviously is not, because any legitimately savvy liar would always insist they're honest about everything.
Chuck Klosterman
Well then," Roen said briskly, "are you sleeping?""Yes.""Come now. A mother can tell when her son lies. Are you eating?""No," Brigan said gravely. "I've not eaten in two months. It's a hunger strike to protest the spring flooding in the south.""Gracious," Roen said, reaching for the fruit bowl. "Have an apple, dear.
Kristin Cashore
There's some heinous fuckery goin' on mon.
Christopher Moore
You know on TV when there’s one of those awkward, shocking moments and all you hear are the crickets in the background?Well chirp fucking chirp...this is one of those moments.
Emma Chase
Are you insinuatin' that my daughter is a liar?""Oh, no, not at all. I'm saying your daughter is a liar. Surely you can appreciate the difference.
Kami Garcia
Right," she said, "We're going to the Land of the Dead and I shouldn't think negative.
Rick Riordan
Those unable to catalog the past are doomed to repeat it.
Lemony Snicket
Now what happens?" asked the man in black. "We face each other as God intended," Fezzik said. "No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.""You mean you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword and we'll try to kill each other like civilized people, is that it?
William Goldman
I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up.
George Carlin
One of the world's most tiresome questions is what object one would bring to a desert island,because people always answer "a deck of cards" or "Anna Karenina" when the obvious answer is "a well equipped boat and a crew to sail me off the island and back home where I can play all the card games and read all the Russian novels I want.
Lemony Snicket
It's a reflex. Hear a bell, get food. See an undead, throw a knife. Same thing, really.
Ilona Andrews
Why is it that all cars are women?" he asked. "Because they're fussy and demanding," answered Zee. "Because if they were men, they'd sit around and complain instead of getting the job done," I told him.
Patricia Briggs
If I shot an arrow and thought about an ass, would it surprise you if it hit Erik?
P.C. Cast
When we come face-to-face with one down a dark alley, we're going to be having a shufti to see if it's solid, aren't we, we're not going to be asking, 'Excuse me, are you the imprint of a departed soul?
J.K. Rowling
That's brain tissue. How can you-?" Claire shut her mouth, fast. "Never mind. I don't think I wanna know.""Truly, I think that's best. Please take it." He showed his teeth briefly in a very unsettling grin. "I'm giving you a piece of my mind.""I so wish you hadn't said that.
Rachel Caine
When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber.
Winston S. Churchill
Any game plan? Xypher asked Sin.Don't die.I like it. Simple, bold. Impossible. Works for me.Kat scoffed at his sarcasm. What are you bitching about, Xypher? You're already dead.He laughed. You know, for once, it's good to be me.
Sherrilyn Kenyon