Quotes by Authors - Page 5048

At the end of a miserable day, instead of grieving my virtual nothing, I can always look at my loaded wastepaper basket and tell myself that if I failed, at least I took a few trees down with me.
David Sedaris
I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.
George Carlin
Um," Doc said in a mild voice, "medically speaking, I'm not sure that was the most helpful thing for his condition.""But I feel better," Jared answered, sullen.Doc smiled the tiniest smile. "Well, maybe a few more minutes of unconsciousness won't kill him.
Stephenie Meyer
I've seen more intelligence in the crotch lice of harem whores.
Christopher Moore
I’m forever near a stereo saying, ‘What the fuck is this garbage?’ And the answer is always the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
Nick Cave
There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
P.G. Wodehouse
Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.
Stephen Colbert
Yes, vanity is a weakness indeed. But pride - where there is a real superiority of mind, pride will be always under good regulation.
Jane Austen
Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.
Dorothy Parker
If I was made of cake I'd eat myself before somebody else could.
Emma Donoghue
A word to the wise is infuriating.
Hunter S. Thompson
Ride?" Rhage snorted. "Please. That thing is a sewing machine with an air dam taped to it. My GTO could dust the fucker in fourth gear from a dead stop."When there was an odd sound from behind, John looked back. So did the three Brothers. "What." Xhex bristled and crossed her arms over her chest. "I can laugh, you know. And that's . . . pretty damn funny." Rhage beamed. "I knew I liked you.
J.R. Ward
Saphira waved her tail, the tip whistling loudly. "I'm not asking you to. However, if we attack first, we may gain the advantage." "Have you gone crazy? They'll..." Eragon's voice trailed off as he thought about it. "They won't be able to do a thing." "Exactly," said Saphira. "We can inflict lots of damage from a safe height." "Let's drop rocks on them!
Christopher Paolini
Must be weird for you, having your mom here.""Weird for me, weird for her, probably weird for you since you had to give up your swinging bachelor pad.""Mrs. Casnoff let me install my heart-shaped Jacuzzi in my new dorm room.""Cal," I said with mock astonishment, "did you just make a joke?""Maybe.
Rachel Hawkins
He's not doing anything he shouldn't be doing, right?" "Like what?""Like hitting on you.""Ew. No, of course not. He doesn't see me that way." Michael shook his head and went back to his coffee."What? You think he does?""Sometimes he looks at you a little... oddly, that's all. Maybe you're right. Maybe he just wants you for your blood.""Again, Ew! What's with you this morning?""Not enough coffee.
Rachel Caine
You humans, always eating. I'll make you soup. You can eat it while you keep working." Myrnin set aside his book and walked into the back of the lab."Don't use the same beaker you used for poisons!" Claire yelled after him. He waved a pale hand. "I mean it!
Rachel Caine
The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of a trick learned while mastering the art of living.
Viktor E. Frankl
When life hands you a lemon, say, 'Oh yeah, I like lemons! What else ya got?
Henry Rollins
Being a leader is making the people you love hate you a little more each day.
Patrick Ness
Why on earth would you buy a car like this if you can't drive a stick? There are dozens of cars--new cars--that have automatic transmission. It'd be a million times easier." Adrian shrugged. "I like the color. It matches my living room.
Richelle Mead
Orion brightened. "I have an idea.""Yes?" said Foaly, daring to hope that a spark of Artemis remained."Why don't we look for some magic stones that can grant wishes? Or, if that doesn't work, you could search my naked body for some mysterious birthmark that means I am actually the prince of somewhere or other.
Eoin Colfer
Fortunately, among werewolf women, the word "bitch" is not offensive. I was having a lot of fun with that."Hey there, bitches!" I called as I came through the door. "What are my favorite bitches up to today?
Molly Harper
No one believes you’re serious until bodies start to fall. -Vlad
Jeaniene Frost
Civilization is vastly overrated.
Patricia Briggs
Perhaps you are thinking: 'But a tank costs several million dollars, not including floor mats. I don't have that kind of money.'Don't be silly. You're a consumer, right? You have credit cards, right?Perhaps you are thinking: 'Yes, but how am I going to pay the credit-card company?'Don't be silly. You have a tank, right?
Dave Barry
But we're going to smile and pretend we're fine with the dorky birthmas gifts because people do not get that they can't mush a birthday into christmas.
P.C. Cast
I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.
Darynda Jones
No adolescent ever wants to be understood, which is why they complain about being misunderstood all the time.
Stephen Fry
I like video games, but they're really violent. I'd like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It'd be called 'Really Busy Hospital.
Demetri Martin
Ooh..I want one" - BexThey're not puppies." -Cammie
Ally Carter
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
Ambrose Bierce
So the first thing we're gonna do," I told him, "is push you off the roof.
James Patterson
If I ever form a clan, we'll be the anti-cheerleaders and walk under the bleacher forming mild acts of mayhem.
Laurie Halse Anderson
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
Chris Rock
I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic.
Sarah Rees Brennan
rolf! what? are you really rolling on the floor laughing? well, please stay down there for a sec while I KICK YOUR ASS.
David Levithan
Adam's response was buried in the sound of the first-story door falling open. Noah slouched in. In a wounded tone, he said, "He threw me out the window!"Ronan's voice sang out from behind his closed door: "You're already dead!
Maggie Stiefvater
Cut my pie into four pieces, I don’t think I could eat eight.
Yogi Berra
I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.
Dave Barry
You wanna go build some shelves with me?
Alexandra Bracken
The magician stood erect, menacing the attackers with demons, metamorphoses, paralyzing ailments, and secret judo holds. Molly picked up a rock.
Peter S Beagle
if something is there, you can only see it with your eyes open, but if it isn't there, you can see it just as well with your eyes closed. That's why imaginary things are often easier to see than real ones.
Norton Juster
It isn`t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
Drew Carey
You did not just say that. I have a feeling we're on the verge of hugging and coming up with cute nicknames for each other.
Richelle Mead
An elite confederacy of nerds. My peeps
Kathy Reichs
I swear, talking to you is like talking to a really good-looking and mildly stupid brick wall.
Derek Landy
This is a good place," he said."There's a lot of liquor," I agreed.
Ernest Hemingway
I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability.
Ron White
Close your eyes and picture it. Can you see it?"I nod, eyes closed. its texture, shape, and color—got it?"I smile, holding the image in my head. its contours with the tips of your fingers, cradle its weight in the palms of your hands, then combine all of your senses—sight, touch, smell, taste—can you taste it?"I bite my lip and suppress a giggle. it!" he says.So I do. I do all of those things. And when he groans, I open my eyes to see for myself.. This isn't even close.""Nope, nothing fruity about him." I laugh, smiling ateach of my Damens—the replica I manifested before me, and the flesh and blood version beside me. Both of them equally tall, dark, and so devastatingly handsome they hardly seem real.
Alyson Noel
You can knock on a deaf man's door forever.
Nikos Kazantzakis
You mean other than the wings? I once ate nine snicker bars in a row without barfing. It was a record.
James Patterson
Of course, it is quite possible to be in the dark in the dark, but there are so many secrets in the world that it is likely that you are always in the dark about one thing or another, whether you are in the dark in the dark or in the dark not in the dark, although the sun can go down so quickly that you may be in the in the dark about being in the dark, only to look around and find yourself no longer in the dark about being in the dark, but in the dark in the dark nontheless, not only because of the dark, but because of the ballerinas in the dark, who are not in the dark about the dark, but also not in the dark about the locked cabinet, and you may be in the dark about the ballerinas digging up the locked cabinet in the dark, even though you are no longer in the dark about being in the dark, and so you are in fact in the dark about being in the dark, even though you are not in the dark about being in the dark, and so you may fall into the hole that the ballerinas have dug, which is dark, in the dark, and in the park.
Lemony Snicket
So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
George Carlin
Why hasn't anyone killed him yet?”“Dumb luck,” Wit said. “In that I’m lucky you’re all so dumb.
Brandon Sanderson
It was a lame excuse, and I knew that wasn't the reason he was canceling. If he wanted to avoid me, I would have preferred he made up something about how he and the other guardians had to up Moroi security or practice top-secret ninja moves.
Richelle Mead
Get there early because hope does not park your mother-fucking car.
Jon Stewart
That's kind of a leap, but the Russian judge gave you a nine point five for style, so okay.
Rachel Caine
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
Yogi Berra
This emotion I'm feeling now, this is love, right?""I don't know. Is it a longing? Is it a giddy stupid happiness just because you're with me?""Yes," she said."That's influenza," said Miro. "Watch for nausea or diarrhea within a few hours.
Orson Scott Card
Yes, men are pigs. Except your brother, of course. He's actually a decent human being. Almost a woman.-Jillian's mother
Gena Showalter