Quotes by Authors - Page 392

Who knew hitting my head and passing out would be so much fun?
P.C. Cast
The poor things keep calling in those – those pumbles, I think they're called – you know, the ones who mend pipes and things – ""Plumbers?"" – exactly, yes, but of course they're flummoxed.
J.K. Rowling
It was one of those cases where you approve the broad, general principle of an idea but can't help being in a bit of a twitter at the prospect of putting it into practical effect. I explained this to Jeeves, and he said much the same thing had bothered Hamlet.
P.G. Wodehouse
Kyo: Of course, I'll beat YOU, too!Yuki: Don't you ever get tired of saying that?Kyo: Beating you is my vocation! It's my goal in life!Yuki: It's so unfair that I keep having to take abuse just because you can't meet your goals.Kyo: THAT CONDESCENDING ATTITUDE OF YOURS REALLY PISSES ME OFF!Yuki: And that revolting thought process of yours pisses me off.
Natsuki Takaya
You are going to love the sports here. Snow skiing and water-skiing and rock climbing and all kinds of extreme sports. I give you full permission to hurl yourself off stuff.
Cynthia Hand
From: Anastasia SteeleSubject: MoaningDate: May 31 2011 19:39 ESTTo: Christian GreyGotta go.Laters, baby......From: Christian GreySubject: PlagiarismDate: May 31 2011 16:41To: Anastasia SteeleYou stole my line.And left me hanging.Enjoy your dinner.Christian GreyCEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
E.L. James
She led the way. Eyeless sockets of the dead seemed to stare at them as they passed. "These are cool," Dan decided. "Maybe I could-""No, Dan," Amy said. "You can't collect human bones.""Awww.
Rick Riordan
When she scooped up her clothes, opened his door, then snapped her fingers for a guard down the hall, Wroth watched like a bystander. “Pssst. Minion. I need these laundered. Very little starch. Don’t just stand there gawking or you’ll anger my good frenemy General Wroth. We’re like this.”He couldn’t see her but knew she was twining two fingers together.
Kresley Cole
Along with the standard computer warranty agreement which said that if the machine 1) didn't work, 2) didn't do what the expensive advertisements said, 3) electrocuted the immediate neighborhood, 4) and in fact failed entirely to be inside the expensive box when you opened it, this was expressly, absolutely, implicitly and in no event the fault or responsibility of the manufacturer, that the purchaser should consider himself lucky to be allowed to give his money to the manufacturer, and that any attempt to treat what had just been paid for as the purchaser's own property would result in the attentions of serious men with menacing briefcases and very thin watches. Crowley had been extremely impressed with the warranties offered by the computer industry, and had in fact sent a bundle Below to the department that drew up the Immortal Soul agreements, with a yellow memo form attached just saying: 'Learn, guys...
Neil Gaiman
Ceres wanted a united front in the plant war.""The plant war," Percy said. "You're going to arm all the little grapes with tiny assault rifles?
Rick Riordan
Take care of the sense and the sounds will take care of themselves.
Lewis Carroll
Leo had seen Tia Callida in action; she liked knives, snakes and putting babies in roaring fires. Yeah, definitely let's unleash her rage. Great idea.
Rick Riordan
ligion is the opiate of the masses." "I did masses of opiates religiously.
Carrie Fisher
To me, nudity is a joke. I don't think nude people are very attractive at all. I like my women fully clothed. I like to imagine what might be under there. It might not be the standard thing. Imagine, stripping a woman down, and she has a body like a little submarine. With periscope, propellers, torpedoes. That would be the one for me. I'd marry her right off and be faithful to the end.
Charles Bukowski
Me," Artemis blurted. "I'm the nut."Artemis could have sworn the squid winked at him before bringing the five-ton chunk of spacecraft swinging down toward the morsel of meat in its blue shell."I'm the nut!" Artemis shouted again, a little hysterically, it must be said.
Eoin Colfer
Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister of hers would, in the after-time, be herself a grown woman; and how she would keep, through all her riper years, the simple and loving heart of her childhood: and how she would gather about her other little children, and make their eyes bright and eager with many a strange tale, perhaps even with the dream of Wonderland of long ago: and how she would feel with all their simple sorrows, and find a pleasure in all their simple joys, remembering her own child-life, and the happy summer days.
Lewis Carroll
Before I could lose my courage, I said, "Don't I get a kiss for luck? It's kind of a tradition, right?"I figured she would punch me. Instead, she drew her knife and stared at the army marching toward us. "Come back alive, Seaweed Brain. Then, we'll see.
Rick Riordan
Some kids get called 'bundles of joy' or 'slices of heaven' or 'dreams come true.' We got 'the fifty-fourth generation of DNA experiments.' Doesn't have the same warm and fuzzy feel. But maybe I'm oversensitive.
James Patterson
There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
P.G. Wodehouse
Orion brightened. "I have an idea.""Yes?" said Foaly, daring to hope that a spark of Artemis remained."Why don't we look for some magic stones that can grant wishes? Or, if that doesn't work, you could search my naked body for some mysterious birthmark that means I am actually the prince of somewhere or other.
Eoin Colfer
Cut my pie into four pieces, I don’t think I could eat eight.
Yogi Berra
I swear, talking to you is like talking to a really good-looking and mildly stupid brick wall.
Derek Landy
You have a very open relationship with your fans.""Yes. We have an open relationship. Obviously they can see other authors if they want, and I can see other readers.
Neil Gaiman
Stop!" Narcissus got to his feet. "This is not right! This person is obviously not awesome, so he must be..." He struggled for the right words. It had probably been a long time since he'd talked about anything other than himself. "He must be tricking us." Apparently Narcissus wasn't completely stupid.
Rick Riordan
Ayame: "Yuki, let's deepen the bond between us brothers!"Yuki: "Before you can do that I'll drown you in the deepest part of that lake."Ayame: "As long as we spend time together."Yuki: "On second thought, go drown yourself.
Natsuki Takaya
Paris answered for him. "Last time he spread the flashing love, Reyes threw up all over his shirt. I never laughed so hard in my life. Lucien, though, has no sense of humor and vowed never to take us again.""I'm surprised you didn't mention the part where you fainted," Lucien said wryly.Strider chortled. "Oh, man. You fainted? What a baby!""Hey," Paris said, frowning at Lucien. "I told you I hit my head midflash."Lucien
Gena Showalter
Sensitive," I tried.Sam translated: "Squishy.""Creative.""Dangerously emo.""Thoughtful.""Feng shui." out of 'thoughtful'?""You know, because in feng shui, you arrange furniture and plants and stuff in thoughtful ways." Sam shrugged. "To make you calm. Zenlike. Or something. I'm not one hundred percent sure how it all works, besides the thoughtful part.
Maggie Stiefvater
The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.
Dorothy Parker
Ask us no questions and we’ll tell you no lies.
J.K. Rowling
Just because something is traditional is no reason to do it, of course. Piracy, for example, is a tradition that has been carried on for hundreds of years, but that doesn't mean we should all attack ships and steal their gold.
Lemony Snicket
It wasn’t until I’d walked halfway across the parking lot that I realized: 1. I wasn’t wearing shoes. A. Or a shirt. 2. I didn’t bring my keys                       A. Or anything really. 3. I’d just left a complete stranger in my apartment.                       A. Naked.Whoever said one-night stands were supposed to be simple with no strings attached had clearly never met the disaster that was me.
Cora Carmack
The problem with winter sports is that -- follow me closely here -- they generally take place in winter.
Dave Barry
Most men don't seem to get that telling a pissed-off woman to calm down is like throwing gunpowder on a fire.” ~ Liberty Jones
Lisa Kleypas
Please, Percy...change your clothes. You smell like you've been run over by an electric horse.
Rick Riordan
See? Injustice. Here we are, risking our lives to rescue Kai and this whole planet, and Adri and Pearl get to go to the royal wedding. I’m disgusted. I hope they spill soy sauce on their fancy dresses.”Jacin’s concern turned fast to annoyance. “Your ship has some messed-up priorities, you know that?”“Iko. My name is Iko. If you don’t stop calling me the ‘ship,’ I am going to make sure you never have hot water during your showers again, do you understand me?”“Yeah, hold that thought while I go disable the speaker system.”“What? You can’t mute me. Cinder!
Marissa Meyer
We have just witnessed a classic example of what I like to call 'misdirected rage'. I believe the technical term is being an ass.
Natsuki Takaya
Fall off your own roof.
Veronica Rossi
I may not look like much, but I'm an expert at pretending to be a ninja.
Darynda Jones
Is there any point to which you would wish to draw my attention?' 'To the curious incident of the dog in the night-time.' 'The dog did nothing in the night-time.''That was the curious incident,' remarked Sherlock Holmes.
Arthur Conan Doyle
The sign was spray-painted in Arabic and English, probably from some attempt by the farmer to sell his wares in the market. The English read: Dates-best price. Cold Bebsi. "Bebsi?" I asked."Pepsi," Walt said. "I read about it on the Internet. There's no 'p' in Arabic. Everyone here calls the soda Bebsi.""So you have to have Bebsi with your bizza?""Brobably.
Rick Riordan
For the first twenty years of my life, I rocked myself to sleep. It was a harmless enough hobby, but eventually, I had to give it up. Throughout the next twenty-two years I lay still and discovered that after a few minutes I could drop off with no problem. Follow seven beers with a couple of scotches and a thimble of good marijuana, and it’s funny how sleep just sort of comes on its own. Often I never even made it to the bed. I’d squat down to pet the cat and wake up on the floor eight hours later, having lost a perfectly good excuse to change my clothes. I’m now told that this is not called “going to sleep” but rather “passing out,” a phrase that carries a distinct hint of judgment.
David Sedaris
I want to do it too!" (sitting motionless)Nudge: "Nope, you stand out like a fart in a church."Max: (muttering) "Appropriately enough."Iggy: "What about me?" (stands still)Max: "No, you're visible."Iggy: "Am not!"Max: (throws a pinecone at him) "Could I do that if I wouldn't see you?
James Patterson
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
Calvin Trillin
You know on TV when there’s one of those awkward, shocking moments and all you hear are the crickets in the background?Well chirp fucking chirp...this is one of those moments.
Emma Chase
Stairs," Valkyrie said, disappointed."Not just ordinary stairs," Skulduggery told her as he led the way down. "Magic stairs.""Really?""Oh, yes."She followed him into the darkness. "How are they magic?""They just are.""In what way?""In a magicky way."She glared at the back of his head. "They aren't magic at all, are they?""Not really.
Derek Landy
Don't forget to give Neville our love!' Ginny told James as she hugged him.!' Neville-'James rolled his eyes.....
J.K. Rowling
What's the whole point of being pretty on the outside when you’re so ugly on the inside?
Jess C. Scott
Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.
Criss Jami
I’ll make Goyle do lines, it’ll kill him, he hates writing,” said Ron happily. He lowered his voice to Goyle’s low grunt and, screwing up his face in a look of pained concentration, mimed writing in midair. “I... must... not... look... like... a... baboon’s... backside.
J.K. Rowling
I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
George Carlin
The house smelled musty and damp, and a little sweet, as if it were haunted by the ghosts of long-dead cookies.
Neil Gaiman
Name the different kinds of people,’ said Miss Lupescu. ‘Now.’Bod thought for a moment. ‘The living,’ he said. ‘Er. The dead.’ He stopped. Then, ‘... Cats?’ he offered, uncertainly.
Neil Gaiman
If you had a million years to do it in, you couldn't rub out even half the "Fuck you" signs in the world. It's impossible.
J.D. Salinger
The biggest challenge after success is shutting up about it.
Criss Jami
Erre es korakas, Blinky!" Dionysus cursed. "I will have your soul!
Rick Riordan
How is it possible to have a civil war?
George Carlin
Delaying death is one of my favorite hobbies
Rick Riordan
What is it with you today?” says Christina on the way to breakfast. Her eyes are stillswollen from sleep and her tangled hair forms a fuzzy halo around her face.“Oh, you know,” I say. “Sun shining. Birds chirping.”She raises an eyebrow at me, as if reminding me that we are in an undergroundtunnel.
Veronica Roth
Adam was but human—this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent.
Mark Twain
He turned to Frank who was trying to pull his fingers out of the Chinese handcuffs…“Okay,” Frank relented. “Sure.” He frowned at his fingers, trying to pull them out of the trap. “Uh, how do you—”Leo chuckled. “Man, you’ve never seen those before? There’s a simple trick to getting out.”Frank tugged again with no luck. Even Hazel was trying not to laugh.Frank grimaced with concentration. Suddenly, he disappeared. On the deck where he’d been standing, a green iguana crouched next to an empty set of Chinese handcuffs.“Well done, Frank Zhang,” Leo said dryly, doing his impression of Chiron the centaur. “That is exactly how people beat Chinese handcuffs. They turn into iguanas.
Rick Riordan