Quotes by Authors - Page 272

I'm eating a massive pastrami sandwich. It's so beautiful I might cry. Just so you know.
Lucy Robinson
The problem is you make the tricks look good. You are a brilliant acrobat, and a witty comedian. You are skillful. People want a fool to be foolish--trip on banana peels and grin and spout nonsense. These men want fools to make them feel better about themselves, not to remind them what they lack.
Kelli Swofford Nielsen
I'm very fond of experimental housekeeping.
Jane Austen
It was Colonel Parkman who upped stakes, crossed the border, and named our town, thus perversely commemorating a battle in which he'd lost. (Though perhaps that's not so unusual: many people take a curatorial interest in their own scars.) He's shown astride his horse, waving a sword and about to gallop into the nearby petunia bed: a craggy man with seasoned eyes and pointed beard, every sculptor's idea of every cavalry leader. No one knows what Colonel Parkman really looked like, since he left no pictorial evidence of himself and the statue wasn't erected until 1885, but he looks like this now. Such is the tyranny of Art.On the left-hand side of the lawn, also with a petunia bed, is an equally mythic figure: the Weary Soldier, his three top shirt buttons undone, his neck bowed as if for the headman's axe, his uniform rumpled, his helmet askew, leaning on his malfunctioning Ross rifle. Forever young, forever exhausted, he tops the War Memorial, his skin burning green in the sun, pigeon droppings running down his face like tears.
Margaret Atwood
Half is better than none unless it be of a wit.
Susan Lendroth
The important thing to remember is not to forget
Benny Bellamacina
I shall always inspire many hearts in timeless moments.
Angelica Hopes
Well, I can throw a mean comeback, so there's that. I will crush them on wit.
Rachel Caine
I didn't cross the line, you drew it in after I traversed it.
Russell Brand
JACK.I am sick to death of cleverness. Everybody is clever nowadays. You can’t go anywhere without meeting clever people. The thing has become an absolute public nuisance. I wish to goodness we had a few fools left.ALGERNON.We have.JACK.I should extremely like to meet them. What do they talk about?ALGERNON.The fools? Oh! about the clever people, of course.JACK.What fools!
Oscar Wilde
My name is Mr Bread." He began writing his name neatly on the board. "But you can call me Peter."Suddenly there was quiet, as thirty little brains whirred."Pita Bread!" proclaimed a ginger-haired boy from the back.
David Walliams
This lot won't suffer you forever.I wouldn't see you dead by their knives; I see a fine man within you Wit.""Yes, He tasted quite delicious.
Brandon Sanderson
I’ll admit, Jasnah, that I empathize with your skepticism, but I don’t agree with it. I just think you've been looking for God in the wrong plac
Brandon Sanderson
Two blind men waited at the end of an era, contemplating beauty.
Brandon Sanderson
When she walked by the two officers, they didn't recognize her. "Have you seen the luscious bonbon with the golden braids?" She grinned up at them with such impish mischief that they almost forgot their quest for the singer. "She is with her lover," Hannah said. "But she can always handle one or two more." She winked at them. "Go there, through that door." She made her escape while the uniformed hobbledehoys gawked and gaped and finally burst into the dressing room where Franz, the three-hundred-pound juggling strongman, was adjusting his loincloth. "I ought not do it," Hannah said aloud to herself as chaos erupted behind her. "I just can't seem to help myself. it is a shame, really.
Laura L. Sullivan
I wish for you the wisdom to mind your own business.
Steve Maraboli
Jimmy Murray, you are an ass,' said Aunt Ruth, angrily.'Well, we're cousins,' agreed Cousin Jimmy pleasantly.
L.M. Montgomery
Lingerer, my brain is on fire with impatience; and you tarry so long!
Charlotte Brontë
Both were military. That was clear.Reacher could tell by their haircuts. No civilian barber would be as pragmatic or as brutal.
Lee Child
you ask too many questions," snapped Cletus.I kept my gaze on Roman. "that's because I get too few answers.
David Baldacci
I suppose we all tend to want the impossible. And sometimes in attempting it we achieve something near enough to the impossible to elicit satisfaction.
Julie Anne Long
If you've brains it's better than beauty - brains last, beauty doesn't.
L.M. Montgomery
This is a lot more satisfying," he said, "when I have intelligent life whom I can render awed, rapt with attention for my clever verbosity."The ugly lizard-crab-thing on the next rock over clicked its claw, an almost hesitant sound."Your right, of course," Wit said. "My usual audience isn't particularly intelligent. That was also the obvious joke, however, so shame on you.
Brandon Sanderson
Does the king know you're back?""Nope! I'm trying to think of a properly dramatic way to inform him. Perhaps a hundred chasmfiends marching in unison, singing an ode to my magnificence.""That sounds… hard.""Yeah, the storming things have real trouble tuning their tonic chords and maintaining just intonation.""I have no idea what you just said.""Yeah, the storming things have real trouble tuning their tonic chords and maintaining just intonation.
Brandon Sanderson
if you can’t acquaint an opponent with reason, you must acquaint his head with the sidewalk.
Lee Child
It was rather too late in the day to set about being simple-minded and ignorant.
Jane Austen
Frame everything and some of it will become art.
Benny Bellamacina
I’m not a serpent, Father. I’m a crow.
Eli Easton
In retrospect, I am very nearly as sharp as I pretend to be.
Lyndsay Faye
That's a very murky position," objected Felix."So's the weather. But this is England, we must learn to live with uncertainty.
Gail Carriger
Really?""No. I'm being ironic. Or is it sarcastic? I can never remember.""Irony's cleverer, so you're probably being sarcastic.
Jonathan Stroud
Sometimes being given the elbow can turn out to be the best hand.
Benny Bellamacina
I wonder now how we got by when you weren't here.""I have no doubt the devastation was widespread, the suffering universal.""Indeed, it was the Dark Ages in the annals of Mrs. Dawlish's house. Ignorance was thick on the ground, and unenlkghtenment befogged all the windows.
Sherry Thomas
There was a party of well-dressed people with Gilt, and as they progressed accoss the room the whole place began to revolve around the big man, gold being very dense and having a gravity all of its own.
Terry Pratchett
With a bit of luck and a lot of hard work, this writing thing may just pan out.
Rebel Miller
It is not that I object to the work, mind you; I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. I love to keep it by me: the idea of getting rid of it nearly breaks my heart.
Jerome K. Jerome
I moved out of my head office and went out of my mind.
Benny Bellamacina
I follow my own methods, and tell as much or as little as I choose. That is the advantage of being unofficial.
Arthur Conan Doyle
A palindrome,” I said the first time she told me. She looked at me, perplexed, and that’s when I knew I could never love her. What a waste of a palindrome she was, that Hannah.-Owen Gentry
Colleen Hoover
I hope to return. I’ll do so if I’m not killed. Probably will anyway.
Brandon Sanderson
Her face collapsed like a bad poem
Marge Simon
He listened to her with perfect indifference while she chose to entertain herself in this manner; and as his composure convinced her that all was safe, her wit flowed long.
Jane Austen
Happy hour?" Jason says. "It's barely noon, Grams""Oh, shush, you. You'll have some, yes?'"Well"-he smiles slyly and wiggles his eyebrows-"if you insist". Every time, it's the same thing. Leaning in, he rubs his hands together expectantly. The drinking age in New York State was raised last year, so technically, I suppose, this is still illegal for my grandson. But the Jews didn't spend forty years wandering the desert so that I could forfeit a gin and tonic with my progeny...
Susan Jane Gilman
Those who are most sincere are also the most morally suspect, as well as being incapable of producing or appreciating wit.
Ian M. Banks
Snark is a fabulous defense mechanism.
Betsy Schow
Always remember that you have been called worse things by better people.
Shannon L. Alder
Always remember that you can explain things for people, but you can't comphrend for them.
Shannon L. Alder
A fool is a man who believes glory can be found at the tip of a sword instead of on the tip of his tongue. That is life’s cruel trick.
Natalia Jaster
Going to marry her? Impossible! You mean a part of her; he could not marry her all himself. It would be a case, not of bigamy but trigamy; there is enough of her to furnish wives for the whole parish. One man marry her! - it is monstrous! You might people a colony with her; or give an assembly with her; or perhaps take your morning's walk round her, always provided there were frequent resting places, and you were in rude health. I once was rash enough to try walking round her before breakfast, but only got half way and gave it up exhausted. Or you might read the Riot Act and disperse her; in short, you might do anything but marry her!
Sydney Smith
...it is indeed a street of so impertinent a nature, so unfortunately connected with the great London and Oxford roads, and the principal inn of the city, that a day never passes in which parties of ladies, however important their business, whether in quest of pastry, millinery, or even (as in the present case) of young men, are not detained on one side or other by carriages, horsemen, or carts. This evil had been felt and lamented, at least three times a day, by Isabella since her residence in Bath...
Jane Austen
Deliver me from my disciples!
Oscar Wilde
Wit is the thought process that generates truly funny observations, as well as the most incisive comments, lasting quips, and brilliant asides. To say wit is mean is like saying the sun is mean for burning you: The giant ball of hot plasma at the center of our solar system is bigger than that, and why weren't you wearing sunscreen in the first place?
Benjamin Errett
His foe was folly and his weapon wit.
Anthony Hope
You would wind up as a cat, I told her. They don't need anyone else. I need you, she replied.Well, I said. Maybe I'll come back as catnip.
Jodi Picoult
When I'm in love, I can't stand anyone.
Stefano Benni
Captain Billings," he drawled finally, "if you will pardon my candor, I might remark that you are something of an ass, don't you know.
Edgar Rice Burroughs
For a poet he threw a very accurate milk bottle.
Ernest Hemingway
Hey, have you heard that one about the difference between me, Wit, and my loutish cousin, Hilarity? No? Okay, so I walk into a bar, you see, very unassuming, and order a martini. Then the bartender, Hilarity, hauls off and squirts me in the face with a seltzer bottle, ruining my n ice new camel hair suit, dousing my monocle and my watch fob, soaking my cravat. So, do I let him have what for, and blow my top? I do not. I simply say:Sorry, I believe I said 'very dry'.
Chip Kidd
Nothing evokes the prurient like puritanism.
Christopher Moore
In fact, Lig never formally resigned his editorship—he merely left his office late one morning, and has never returned since. Though well over a century has now passed, many members of the Guide staff still retain the romantic notion that he has simply popped out for a sandwich and will yet return to put in a solid afternoon's work. Strictly speaking, all editors since Lig Lury Jr., have therefore been designated acting editors, and Lig's desk is still preserved the way he left it, with the addition of a small sign that says LIG LURY, JR., EDITOR, MISSING, PRESUMED FED.
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