Quotes by Actresses - Page 52

My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to report him for child molesting. He had never molested me, but I wanted to have a party that weekend and needed him out of the house.
Chelsea Handler
Once again, I've been thwarted by the massive difference between my vision of the successful me and the me I'm currently stuck with.
Lauren Graham
Now,I'm no scientist,but I know what endorphins are. They're tiny little magical elves that swim through your blood stream and tell funny jokes to each other. When they reach your brain,you hear what they're saying and that boosts your health and happiness. "Knock Knock... Who's There?.. Little endorphin... Little endorphin who?... Little Endorphin Annie." And then the endorphins laugh and then you laugh. See? Its Science.
Ellen DeGeneres
My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.
Chelsea Handler
I hate girls that giggle all the time... You hate any girl that David looks at.
Audrey Hepburn
I was raised right — I talk about people behind their backs. It's called manners.
Kathy Griffin
One time I actually cleaned out my closet so good I ended up on the cover of Time magazine.
Ellen DeGeneres
I'm as pure as the driven slush.
Tallulah Bankhead
Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either.
Chelsea Handler
ligion is the opiate of the masses." "I did masses of opiates religiously.
Carrie Fisher
Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it.
Amy Sedaris
Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log.
Ellen DeGeneres
There's no room for demons when you're self-possessed.
Carrie Fisher
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
George Bush isn't Hitler. He could be if he applied himself.
Margaret Cho
She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.
Mae West
I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
I have dozens of loyal fans! Baker's dozens! …they come in thirteens.
Felicia Day
My mother told me that life isn't always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole benefit of another human being. I completely agreed with her, but reminded her that that was what blow jobs were for.
Chelsea Handler
Whitney Houston’s cover of “I Will Always Love You” was constantly on my FM Walkman radio around that time. I think that made me cry because I associated it with absolutely no one.
Tina Fey
What’s not so great is that all this technology is destroying our social skills. Not only have we given up on writing letters to each other, we barely even talk to each other. People have become so accustomed to texting that they’re actually startled when the phone rings. It’s like we suddenly all have Batphones. If it rings, there must be danger. Now we answer, “What happened? Is someone tied up in the old sawmill?”“No, it’s Becky. I just called to say hi.”“Well you scared me half to death. You can’t just pick up the phone and try to talk to me like that. Don’t the tips of your fingers work?
Ellen DeGeneres
Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.
Ellen DeGeneres
Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea. Please get me out of jail and I promise I will never drink again. Drink and drive. I will never drink and drive again. I may even start my own group fashioned after MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, but I'll call it AWLTDASH, Alcoholics Who Like to Drink and Stay Home.
Chelsea Handler
Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
Chelsea Handler
Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution. It is the universe's way of saying stop, slow down, you move too fast. Listen to the music. Whoa whoa, listen to the music. Because music makes the people come together, it makes the bourgeois and the rebel. So come on people now, smile on your brother, everybody try to love one another. Because what the world needs now is love, sweet love. And I know that love is a battlefield, but boogie on reggae woman because you're gonna make it after all. So celebrate good times, come on. I've gotta stop I've gotta come to my senses, I've been out riding fences for so long... oops I did it again... um... What I'm trying to say is, if you leave tonight and you don't remember anything else that I've said, leave here and remember this: Procrastinate now, don't put it off.
Ellen DeGeneres
Let's be reasonable and add an eighth day to the week that is devoted exclusively to reading.
Lena Dunham
I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society…unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool.
Tina Fey
Getting married is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.
Mae West
I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.
Ellen DeGeneres
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
Lily Tomlin
I was a little excited but mostly blorft. "Blorft" is an adjective I just made up that means 'Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.' I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.
Tina Fey
He who hesitates is a damned fool.
Mae West
Procrastinate now, don't put it off.
Ellen DeGeneres
There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.
Chelsea Handler
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
Mae West
I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.
Ellen DeGeneres
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is.
Ellen DeGeneres
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Mae West
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
Mae West
Some people say, “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.
Tina Fey
I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay.
Madonna
Do your thing and don't care if they like it.
Tina Fey
I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.
Mae West
Above all things physical, it is more important to be beautiful on the inside - to have a big hear and an open mind and a spectacular spleen.
Ellen DeGeneres
Look in the mirror and say, 'There is none other like you and for that reason alone you are beautiful.
Miranda Hart
I don’t need any plastic in my body to validate me as a woman.
Courtney Love
And if you think you're alone. Put on my music. Because I'm going to be there for you.
Demi Lovato
It always helps to think about other people instead of ourselves.
Ellen DeGeneres
To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.
Audrey Hepburn
You look at yourself and you accept yourself for who you are, and once you accept yourself for who you are you become a better person.
Oprah Winfrey
And...I think that's what life is all about, actually,about children and flowers.
Audrey Hepburn
Go ahead and believe that no one shines brighter than you. Become amazing, and be happy.
Demi Lovato
You're not aloneTogether we standI'll be by your side, you know I'll take your handWhen it gets coldAnd it feels like the endThere's no place to goYou know I won't give in
Avril Lavigne
In the mist of Difficulty lies Opportunity.
Oprah Winfrey
I never loved another person the way I loved myself.
Mae West
Love me or hate me I promise that it will never make or break me...<3
Tyra Banks
Self-esteem comes from being able to define the world in your own terms and refusing to abide by the judgments of others.
Oprah Winfrey
People are always telling me that i'm not like other girls...that i dont dress like other girls...that i dont act like other girls. But i'm my OWN person...i go to the beat of my own drum.
Miley Cyrus
Storms make trees take deeper roots.
Dolly Parton
As the smoke clears,I awaken,And untangle you from me.Would it make you feel betterTo watch me, while I bleed?All my windows still are broken,But I'm standing on my feet.
Demi Lovato