Quotes by Actors - Page 7

Love is often a fruit of marriage.
Molière
People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
Bob Hope
A lot of people have asked me how short I am. Since my last divorce I think I'm about a hundred thousand dollars short.
Mickey Rooney
My second ex-wife was really kind of like a ship passing in the night. Only she turned out to be the Exxon Valdez.
James Woods
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
Groucho Marx
My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce murder yes but divorce never.
Jack Benny
We've never been happier. Things are great. . . I just don't go into her part of the house.
Buddy Hackett
I do not spoil women. ... I don't send them flowers and gifts. . . . I'm saving those gestures until I am an unpleasant old man who must resort to bribery to win a woman's synthetic affections.
George Sanders
Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it.
Maurice Chevalier
I haven't spoken to my wife in years-I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield
The groom is so much better for her than her last boyfriend. He's sophisticated he brings her flowers and candy he dines by candlelight. Her last boyfriend thought it was enough to spray her name on a fence.
Tim Conway
No man is boss in his own home but he can make up for it by making a dog play dead.
W.C.Fields
I wanted to marry her when I saw the moonlight shining on the barrel of her father's shotgun.
Eddie Albert
I was the best man at the wedding. So why is she marrying him?
Jerry Seinfeld
His toupee makes him look twenty years sillier.
Bill Dana
I've put on a lot of weight... I only weighed six and a half pounds when I was born.
Red Skelton
I resent my barber when he charges the full cost after he cuts my hair but he says he's charging me for finding it.
Tim Conway
The only thing that can stop hair from falling ... is the floor.
Will Rogers
It's good to play and you must keep in practice.
Jerry Seinfeld
Life's better when it's fun. Boy that's deep isn't it?
Kevin Costner
All the things I really like to do are either immoral illegal or fattening.
Alexander Woollcott
Hurried and worried until we're buried and there's no curtain call Life's a very funny proposition after all.
George M. Cohan
You only live once - but if you work it right once is enough.
Joe E. Lewis
You've got to keep fighting - you've got to risk your life every six months to stay alive.
Elia Kazan
Sometimes I wish life had a fast-forward button.
Dan Chopin
I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen
Life doesn't imitate art it imitates bad television.
Woody Allen
I do not believe in an afterlife although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Woody Allen
If anything happens to me tell every woman I've ever gone with I was talking about her at the end. That way they'll have to reevaluate me.
Albert Brooks
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work I want to achieve it through not dying.
Woody Allen
I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with Prudential. All I can say is: When I go they go!
Jack Benny
I won't mind dying if I can tell St. Peter a joke he hasn't heard.
Red Skelton
Ninety percent of living is just showing up.
Woody Allen
Possession is eleven points in the law.
Colley Cibber
Divorce is a game played by lawyers.
Cary Grant
It isn't what we don't know that gives us trouble it's what we know that ain't so.
Will Rogers
I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things and I have succeeded fairly well.
Robert Benchley
Their cause I plead - plead it in heart and mind A fellow-feeling makes one wondrous kind.
David Garrick
My body has certainly wandered a good deal but I have an uneasy suspicion that my mind has not wandered enough.
Noël Coward
You might say he was one taco short of a combination platter.
Robin Williams
There are no rules. Just follow your heart.
Robin Williams
They that know no evil will suspect none.
Ben Johnson
I know it was wonderful but I don't know how I did it.
Sir Laurence Olivier
I don't know what humor is.
Will Rogers
Everybody is ignorant only on different subjects.
Will Rogers
The little I know I owe to my ignorance.
Sacha Guitry
We are all here for a spell get all the good laughs you can.
Will Rogers
You can pretend to be serious but you can't pretend to be witty.
Sacha Guitry
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Peter Ustinov
Humour is just another defence against the universe.
Mel Brooks
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Will Rogers
Look at Jewish history. Unrelieved lamenting would be intolerable. So for every ten Jews beating their breasts God designated one to be crazy and amuse the breast-beaters. By the time I was five I knew I was that one.
Mel Brooks
You want to make God laugh? Tell him your future plans.
Woody Allen
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
Dean Martin
My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex she objects.
Les Dawson
There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two.
Red Skelton
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
Will Rogers
This thing of being a hero about the main thing to it is to know when to die.
Will Rogers
Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on earth.
Will Rogers
He's a chip o' th' old block.
William Rowley