Quotes by Actors - Page 65

Because it's much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.
Woody Allen
Veel van wat aanvankelijk alleen in de verbeelding bestaat, wordt werkelijkheid.
Arthur Japin
I'm probably 20 percent atheist and 80 percent agnostic. I don't think anyone really knows. You'll either find out or not when you get there, until then there's no point thinking about it.
Brad Pitt
A toast, Jedediah, to love on my terms. Those are the only terms anybody ever knows - his own.
Orson Welles
I don't think the real America is in New York or on the Pacific Coast; personally, I like the Middle West much better, places like North and South Dakota, Minneapolis and Saint Paul. There, I think, are the true Americans
Charlie Chaplin
Going green doesn’t start with doing green acts — it starts with a shift in consciousness. This shift allows you to recognize that with every choice you make, you are voting either for or against the kind of world you wish to see. When you assume this as a way of being, your choices become easier. Using a reusable water bottle, recycling and making conscious daily consumer choices are just a few…
Ian Somerhalder
I remember growing up, saying you’re an artist it sounds pretentious but now it’s one of the only dignified things that you can call yourself.
Marilyn Manson
I hope it is not necessary for me to stress the platonic nature of our relationship- not platonic in the purest sense, there was no philosophical discourse, but we certainly didn't fuck, which is usually what people mean by platonic; which I bet would really piss Plato off, that for all his thinking and chatting his name has become an adjective for describing sexless trysts.
Russell Brand
Man was born for society. However little He may be attached to the World, He never can wholly forget it, or bear to be wholly forgotten by it. Disgusted at the guilt or absurdity of Mankind, the Misanthrope flies from it: He resolves to become an Hermit, and buries himself in the Cavern of some gloomy Rock. While Hate inflames his bosom, possibly He may feel contented with his situation: But when his passions begin to cool; when Time has mellowed his sorrows, and healed those wounds which He bore with him to his solitude, think you that Content becomes his Companion? Ah! no, Rosario. No longer sustained by the violence of his passions, He feels all the monotony of his way of living, and his heart becomes the prey of Ennui and weariness. He looks round, and finds himself alone in the Universe: The love of society revives in his bosom, and He pants to return to that world which He has abandoned. Nature loses all her charms in his eyes: No one is near him to point out her beauties, or share in his admiration of her excellence and variety. Propped upon the fragment of some Rock, He gazes upon the tumbling waterfall with a vacant eye, He views without emotion the glory of the setting Sun. Slowly He returns to his Cell at Evening, for no one there is anxious for his arrival; He has no comfort in his solitary unsavoury meal: He throws himself upon his couch of Moss despondent and dissatisfied, and wakes only to pass a day as joyless, as monotonous as the former.
Matthew Lewis
If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.
Woody Allen
Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves. Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.
Bruce Lee
It's not all bad. Heightened self-consciousness, apartness, an inability to join in, physical shame and self-loathing—they are not all bad. Those devils have been my angels. Without them I would never have disappeared into language, literature, the mind, laughter and all the mad intensities that made and unmade me.
Stephen Fry
College is the best time of your life. When else are your parents going to spend several thousand dollars a year just for you to go to a strange town and get drunk every night?
David Wood
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W.C.Fields
It’s good to be here. I’m just trying to go through life without looking stupid. It’s not working out too well.
Brian Regan
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
Jerry Seinfeld
Compromise is a stalling between two fools.
Stephen Fry
I see Atheists are fighting and killing each other again, over who doesn't believe in any God the most. Oh, no..wait.. that never happens.
Ricky Gervais
I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.
Steve Martin
When danger reared its ugly head, He bravely turned his tail and fled.
Graham Chapman
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
Groucho Marx
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
Steven Wright
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in my bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
Woody Allen
Of all the consumer products, chewing gum is perhaps the most ridiculous: it literally has no nourishment – you just chew it to give yourself something to do with your stupid idiot Western mouth.Half the world is starving, and the other’s going, ‘I don’t actually need any nutrition, but it would be good to masticate, just to keep my mind off things.
Russell Brand
Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
Steven Wright
There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?
Woody Allen
Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?
Steven Wright
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Steven Wright
I named my dog Stay, so I can say, 'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!
Steven Wright
When one thing takes another away, what do we call that?” she asked my class. “Homicide!” I called out
Chris Colfer
All sins are forgiven once you start making a lot of money.
RuPaul
If warm air rises, Heaven could be hotter than Hell.
Steven Wright
We are no longer the knights who say Ni! We are now the knights who say ekki-ekki-ekki-pitang-zoom-boing!
Graham Chapman
That’s why I admired that kid who spelled it wrong on purpose so he could sit down. He knew he wasn’t going to win, so why stand there for 3 hours. First round. “Cat, K-A-T, I’m outta here.” Then as he passed you, “Ha! I know there’s 2 T’s.
Brian Regan
If you want to be seen, stand up.If you want to be heard, speak up.If you want to be appreciated, shut up.
Bill Cosby
If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
Steven Wright
If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.
Woody Allen
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
Steven Wright
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Steven Wright
There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
George Carlin
Sir Beldevere: What makes you think she's a witch? Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt! Sir Beldevere: A newt? Peasant 3: [meekly after a long pause] ... I got better. Crowd: [shouts] Burn her anyway!
Graham Chapman
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
George Carlin
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Woody Allen
If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase.
George Carlin
It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
George Carlin
Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.
George Carlin
Falling in love is painful on the knees.
Jon Bon Jovi
It'd Be a Lot Cooler If You Did.
Matthew McConaughey
I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker.
George Carlin
The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever seen that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. ‘Come on, buddy, let’s go. You get past me, the guy in the back of me, he’s got a spoon. Back off, I’ve got the toe clippers right here.
Jerry Seinfeld
It doesn’t matter what temperature a room is, it’s always room temperature.
Steven Wright
Electricity is really just organized lightning
George Carlin
And here's something else, another problem you might have: Suppose your prayers aren't answered. What do you say? "Well, it's God's will." "Thy Will Be Done." Fine, but if it's God's will, and He's going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? Seems like a big waste of time to me! Couldn't you just skip the praying part and go right to His Will? It's all very confusing.
George Carlin
I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.
Steven Wright
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Steven Wright
A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
Steven Wright
I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
Steven Wright
No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.
Bill Cosby
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
W.C.Fields
It's so hard to believe in anything anymore. I mean, it's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, because it seems so mythological, it seems so arbitrary...but, on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn't believe in anything anymore if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch.
Steve Martin