Quotes by Actors - Page 5

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord in his wisdom didn't work that way. So I just stole one and asked him to forgive me.
Emo Philips
To all things clergic I am allergic.
Alexander Woollcott
I do benefits for all religions. ... I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
Bob Hope
You want to make God laugh? Tell him your future plans.
Woody Allen
If only God would give me a clear sign like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
Woody Allen
The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.
Bob Hope
The idea that He would take his attention away from the universe in order to give me a bicycle with three speeds is just so unlikely I can't go along with it.
Quentin Crisp
Reason is an emotion for the sexless.
Heathcote Williams
I hope to work support my children and die quietly without pain.
Sean Connery
Thin people are beautiful but fat people are adorable.
Jackie Gleason
I never forget a face but in your case I'll make an exception.
Groucho Marx
Epigram: a wisecrack that has played Carnegie Hall.
Oscar Levant
I don't deserve this but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.
Jack Benny
Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.
Oscar Levant
A diplomat these days is nothing but a head waiter who is allowed to sit down occasionally.
Peter Ustinov
No Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.
Groucho Marx
Those modern analysts they charge so much! In my day for five marks Freud himself would treat you. For ten marks he would treat you and press your pants. For fifteen marks Freud would let you treat him - that included a choice of any two vegetables.
Woody Allen
I am going to give my psychoanalyst one more year then I'm going to Lourdes.
Woody Allen
I'm a concert pianist. That's a pretentious way of saying I'm unemployed at the moment.
Oscar Levant
An actor's a guy who if you ain't talking about him ain't listening.
Marlon Brando
It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
Robert Benchley
Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
George Burns
Since my little daughter is only half Jewish would it be alright if she went into the pool only up to her waist?
Groucho Marx
The essence of prayer even of a mystical experience is the way we are altered to see everything from its life-filled dimension.
Matthew Fox
There is no scandal like rags nor any crime so shameful as poverty.
George Farquhar
There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.
Spencer Tracy
If we love our country we should also love our countrymen.
Ronald Reagan
Knock the "t" off the "can't."
George Reeves
To find oneself jilted is a blow to one's pride. One must do one's best to forget it and if one doesn't succeed at least one must pretend to.
Molière
I couldn't hit a wall with a sixgun but I can twirl one. It looks good.
John Wayne
I don't believe in pessimism.
Clint Eastwood
If you think it's going to rain it will.
Clint Eastwood
The actor's popularity is evanescent applauded today forgotten tomorrow.
Edwin Forrest
The Republicans have their splits right after election and Democrats have theirs just before an election.
Will Rogers
The public is very fickle as I was saying to my cabdriver Gerald Ford.
Pat McCormick
I don't pick on politicians. They ain't done nothin'.
Red Skelton
I have the perfect simplified tax form for government. Why don't they just print our money with a return address on it?
Bob Hope
Liberals think you can reform an ax murderer. They don't want to kill anything. They want to change the Listerine labels to "Rehabilitate the germs that cause bad breath."
Marc Price
Politics has got so expensive that it takes lots of money to even get beat with.
Will Rogers
The more you read about politics the more you got to admit that each party is worse than the other.
Will Rogers
If you ever injected truth into politics you would have no politics.
Will Rogers
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
Ronald Reagan
More men have been elected between Sundown and Sunup than ever were elected between Sunup and Sundown.
Will Rogers
I'm not a member of any organized party I'm a Democrat.
Will Rogers
Our Congressmen are the finest body of men money can buy.
Maury Amsterdam
Probably the most distinctive characteristic of the successful politician is selective cowardice.
Richard Harris
Striving for perfection is the greatest stopper there is. You'll be afraid you can't achieve it. ... It's your excuse to yourself for not doing anything. Instead strive for excellence doing your best.
Sir Laurence Olivier
Be brave enough to live creatively. The creative is the place where no one else has ever been. You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. You cannot get there by bus only by hard work risking and by not quite knowing what you are doing. What you will discover will be wonderful: yourself.
Alan Alda
I prefer love over sex.
Enrique Iglesias
Sex is a conversation carried out by other means. If you get on well out of bed half the problems of bed are solved.
Peter Ustinov
My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex she objects.
Les Dawson
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
Woody Allen
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
Billy Crystal
It does not matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you do not do it in the street and frighten the horses.
Patrick Campbell
People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
Bob Hope
Passion makes the world go round. Love just makes it a safer place.
Ice-T
The human race has been set up. Someone somewhere is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started?
Billy Connolly
Parents are the bones on which children cut their teeth.
Peter Ustinov
Fear of losing is what makes competitors so great. Show me a gracious loser and I'll show you a permanent loser.
O. J. Simpson
You know how many stunning women told me they can't stand a good-looking man? ... Women feel secure with an ugly guy because a man in bad shape isn't gonna cheat.
Jackie Mason