Quotes by Actors - Page 33

I resent when I go out to dinner and they try to sell me the healthy food for the same price as the good food.
Jim Gaffigan
I love the phrase "I have a sweet tooth." I always want to say, "You're ordering it for your tooth? That's interesting, because it's going straight to your butt. I think your butt owed your tooth an explanation.
Jim Gaffigan
How did we get to the point where we're paying for bottled water? I imagine it was some weird marketing meeting over in France.
Jim Gaffigan
You get all these different cuts of meat cooking at once' he said. 'You've got your sausage, which cooks fast. You've got your big steak, which is your best cut, which takes some time, right? You got to talk to all these girls at once just like you take care of all that meat at once'After he made this analogy, I presented Ajay with a trophy that said 'Most Sexist Food Analogy of All Time: Meat and BBQ division'.
Aziz Ansari
In America we have gone way beyond sustenance. Eating is an activity. 'Why don’t we get lunch, and then we’ll grab some pizza.
Jim Gaffigan
There are people who eat only organic food, and then there are people who don’t have tons of money to waste.
Jim Gaffigan
Have you ever wondered how to commit human sacrifice and destroy all the evidence while having a delicious meal all at the same time? It’s called cannibalism and all it means is eating another human being. It’s not that hard.
Tim Heidecker
Dog's just want to sniff an ass and eat some food.
Ice-T
I don't drink coffee I take tea my dearI like my toast done on one sid
Sting
Diet food is for lazy people.
Ice-T
Well, Southerners like to eat well. You see, it's an event when it's done right.
Stan Shaw
Thanks cows. I appreciate your tastiness.
Craig Ferguson
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: Frequently there must be a beverage.
Woody Allen
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
Ronald Reagan
A father is a reality-concealing machine, a machine for dishing up lies to kids, and that isn't even the worst of it: secretly he believes that he represents reality.
Yukio Mishima
Go to the Source of Purity; there you will find the truth. Go to the river of Acheron; there you will find the human truth, it is, however, fed by lies.
Kristian Goldmund Aumann
Greed:Your own lies make you sick.
Kristian Goldmund Aumann
Live, but do not love, because love is simply a lie, only heartache waits in its wake.
Brad Bierdz
Those who speak the truth in this world; they fall out of favor, in the current era of inflated lies.
Kristian Goldmund Aumann
Lies are for adults who are sad in their lives.
Jesse Eisenberg
He who lies artistically, treads closer to the truth than ever he knows.
Fritz Leiber
I never lie. I believe everything I say, so it`s not a lie.
Mark Wahlberg
Some of the best friends you'll ever meet in your life, you'll meet though your children--mothers and fathers of their friends, parents from school. You'll see. That's the way it was for Bill and me. It's one of the many gifts of parenting.
Michael J. Fox
In that day, we didn't have no remote controls and vacuum cleaners. If you wanted all that stuff you had children!
Tyler Perry
The dilemma I was faced with was one every parent faces sooner or later: you want to defend your child, of course; you stand up for your child, but you mustn't do it all too vehemently, and above all not too eloquently - you mustn't drive anyone into a corner. The educators, the teachers, will let you have your say, but afterwards they'll take revenge on your child. You may come up with better arguments - it's not too hard to come up with better arguments than the educators, the teachers - but in the end, your child to going to pay for it. Their frustration at being shown up is something they'll take out on the student.
Herman Koch
Parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.
Bill Cosby
I used to wonder why I had hair on my legs, but now I know it's for my toddler sons and daughters to pull themselves up off the ground with as I scream in pain.
Jim Gaffigan
Ironically, to my children, bedtime is a punishment that violates their basic rights as human beings. Once the lights are out, you can expect at least an hour of inmates clanging their tin cups on the cell bars.
Jim Gaffigan
Bedtime makes you realize how completely incapable you are of being in charge of another human being. My children act like they've never been to sleep before. "Bed? What's that? No, I'm not doing that." They never want to go to bed. This is is another thing that I will never have in common with my children.
Jim Gaffigan
People treat having a kid as somehow retiring from success. Quitting. Have you seen a baby? They’re pretty cute. Loving them is pretty easy. Smiling babies should actually be categorized by the pharmaceutical industry as a powerful antidepressant. Being happy is really the definition of success, isn’t it?
Jim Gaffigan
… when Michel came home from school, for example, and everything was as it should be. My own voice, above all, asking him what he wanted in his sandwich, also sounded as it should have. The larder was full, I had done all of the shopping that morning. I took care of myself as well, I looked in the mirror before leaving the house: I made sure my clothes were clean, that I had shaved, that my hair didn’t look like the hair of someone who never looks in a mirror - the people in the supermarket would have noticed nothing unusual, I was no divorced father reeking of alcohol, no father who couldn’t handle things. I clearly remembered the goal I had set for myself: I wanted to keep up the appearance of normality. As far as possible, everything had to remain the same for Michel as long as his mother wasn’t around. A hot meal every day, for a start. But also in other aspects of our temporary single-parent family, there shouldn’t be too many visible changes. Normally, it wasn’t my habit to shave every day; I didn’t mind walking around with stubble. Claire had never made a big deal out of that either, but during those weeks I shaved every morning. I felt that my son had a right to sit at the table with a clean-smelling, freshly shaven father. A freshly shaven and clean-smelling father would not prompt him to think the wrong things, would in any case not cause him to doubt the temporary character of our single-parent family.
Herman Koch
I amazed myself, above all, with how well I was able to manage. Michel got to school on time, his teeth brushed and his clothes clean. More or less clean: I was less critical of a few spots on his trousers than Claire would have been, but then I was his father. I’ve never tried to be ‘both father and mother’ to him, the way some half-assed, home-made-sweater-wearing head of a single-parent household put it once in some bullshit programme I saw on afternoon TV.
Herman Koch
No, on the outside view there was nothing for anyone to notice about me. I remained one pillar of a trinity, another pillar was lying only temporarily (temporarily! temporarily! temporarily!) in the hospital, I was the pilot of a three-engine aircraft, one of whose engines had stalled: there is no reason to panic, this is not a crash landing, the pilot has thousands of flight hours behind him, he will land the plane safely on the ground.
Herman Koch
When your mom was not in labor yelling at me, she made me laugh so hard.
Jim Gaffigan
I feel guilty when I feed them unhealthy food they like. I feel guilty when I feed them healthy food they don’t like. I feel guilty when I drop them off at school. I feel guilty when I pick them up at school. I feel guilty mostly for writing this book instead of spending time with them.
Jim Gaffigan
Console the failure, but nurture the hunger.
Bryan Cranston
Parenthood...It's about guiding the next generation, and forgiving the last.
Peter Krause
Read it wisely, Little One, for the power of ignorance is great.
Stephen Fry
I know no such disease of the soul, but ignorance.
Ben Johnson
Everybody is ignorant, Just on different subjects.
Will Rogers
An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out.
Will Rogers
We thought it was nice of you to let him have a go, because, in England, he wouldn't be trusted with a pair of scissors.
Russell Brand
Why should we subsidize intellectual curiosity?
Ronald Reagan
I would wish that people would accept people for who they are, not be judgmental, allow people to live their lives and enjoy themselves and that would be my wish for people.
John Barrowman
Can one come 2 conclusions,Before the question is conceived?
Tupac Shakur
And in that moment, I felt my own ignorance spread suddenly out behind me like a pair of wings, and every single thing I didn’t know was a feather on those wings. I could feel them tugging at the air, restless to be airborne.
Frank Cottrell Boyce
You're just another american who is willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick being shoved up your asshole every day... The owners of this country know the truth... it's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it!
George Carlin
I'm lucky I'm a comedian, 'cause otherwise my life would just be a series of undocumented low points.
Kyle Kinane
By the river of forgetfulness, I found honesty.
Kristian Goldmund Aumann
I think the world honestly would be a much healthier place if instead of trying to find rationalizations for our bad behavior we would just say, "I was an asshole. Sure, there were reasons behind it, but that doesn't matter.
Colin Quinn
A lot of lip service gets paid to being honest, but no one really wants to hear it unless what's being said is the party line.
Colin Quinn
I think honesty is the most heroic quality one can aspire to.
Daniel Radcliffe
I want to swim in both directions at once. Desire success, court failure.
Alan Rickman
You cannot let a fear of failure, or a fear of comparison, or a fear of judgement stop you from doing what's going to make you great. You cannot succeed without this risk of failure, you cannot have a voice without the risk of criticism and you cannot love without the risk of loss. You must go out and take these risk. … Do what’s uncomfortable, and scary, and hard, but pays off in the long run. Be willing to fail. Let yourself fail. Fail in the way and the place where you would want to fail. Fail, pick yourself up and fail again. Because without this struggle, what is your success anyway?
Charlie Day
Some are born great. Some achieve greatness. Some get it as a graduation gift.
Robin Williams
Don't choose the one who's beautiful to the world, but rather, choose the one who makes your world beautiful.
Harry Styles
Don't choose someone who's beautiful to the world. Choose someone who makes your world beautiful.
Harry Styles
A bookstore is one of the many pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
Jerry Seinfeld
You're beautful. Yes you are, you're very very beautiful. Extremely beautiful.
Orson Welles
Storytelling comes naturally to humans, but since we live in an unnatural world, we sometimes need a little help doing what we'd naturally do.
Dan Harmon