Quotes by British Authors - Page 795

I can't give a Professor love!
J.K. Rowling
Always watch where you are going. Otherwise, you may step on a piece of the Forest that was left out by mistake.
A.A. Milne
The poor things keep calling in those – those pumbles, I think they're called – you know, the ones who mend pipes and things – ""Plumbers?"" – exactly, yes, but of course they're flummoxed.
J.K. Rowling
How can you protect yourself by carrying a sword if you don’t know how to use it?’Not me, sir. Other people. They see the sword and don’t attack me,’ said Maladict patiently.Yes, but if they did, lad, you wouldn’t be any good with it,’ said the sergeant.No, sir. I’d probably settle for just ripping their heads off, sir. That’s what I mean by protection, sir. Theirs, not mine. And I’d get hell from the League if I did that, sir.
Terry Pratchett
The first ten million years were the worst," said Marvin, "and the second ten million years, they were the worst too. The third ten million years I didn't enjoy at all. After that I went into a bit of a decline.
Douglas Adams
It was one of those cases where you approve the broad, general principle of an idea but can't help being in a bit of a twitter at the prospect of putting it into practical effect. I explained this to Jeeves, and he said much the same thing had bothered Hamlet.
P.G. Wodehouse
We are like chameleons, we take our hue and the color of our moral character, from those who are around us.
John Locke
Of all the crap, crap, crappy nights I've ever had in the whole of my crap life. On a scale of one to 10, we're talking...a minus 6. And it's not like I even have very high standards.
Sophie Kinsella
The trouble was that he was talking in philosophy but they were listening in gibberish.
Terry Pratchett
What's up?" [asked Ford.]"I don't know," said Marvin, "I've never been there.
Douglas Adams
To say she was my girlfriend was absurd: no one the wrong side of thirty has a girlfriend… I suppose I ought to have realize it’s ominous that forty thousand years of human language had failed to produce a word for our relationship.
Robert Harris
This is me.’" He handed her the precious scrap of paper. ‘Call me or I’ll call you, but one of us will call, yes? What I mean is it’s not a competition. You don’t lose if you phone first.
David Nicholls
Shee, you guys are so unhip it's a wonder your bums don't fall off.
Douglas Adams
There are always some lunatics about. It would be a dull world without them.
Arthur Conan Doyle
I hate girls that giggle all the time... You hate any girl that David looks at.
Audrey Hepburn
There are any number of magical creatures, mostly female, whose singing can bring about horror and death. Sirens, undines, banshees, Bananarama tribute bands...
Simon R. Green
Rejection is one thing - but rejection from a fool is cruel.
Morrissey
When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
Cory Doctorow
My Head of House said I lacked certain necessary qualities...like the ability to behave myself.
J.K. Rowling
From: Anastasia SteeleSubject: MoaningDate: May 31 2011 19:39 ESTTo: Christian GreyGotta go.Laters, baby......From: Christian GreySubject: PlagiarismDate: May 31 2011 16:41To: Anastasia SteeleYou stole my line.And left me hanging.Enjoy your dinner.Christian GreyCEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
E.L. James
Everything not forbidden is compulsory
T.H. White
Along with the standard computer warranty agreement which said that if the machine 1) didn't work, 2) didn't do what the expensive advertisements said, 3) electrocuted the immediate neighborhood, 4) and in fact failed entirely to be inside the expensive box when you opened it, this was expressly, absolutely, implicitly and in no event the fault or responsibility of the manufacturer, that the purchaser should consider himself lucky to be allowed to give his money to the manufacturer, and that any attempt to treat what had just been paid for as the purchaser's own property would result in the attentions of serious men with menacing briefcases and very thin watches. Crowley had been extremely impressed with the warranties offered by the computer industry, and had in fact sent a bundle Below to the department that drew up the Immortal Soul agreements, with a yellow memo form attached just saying: 'Learn, guys...
Neil Gaiman
Victor patted my hand. 'I like you, Sky. You're a fighter.''I am, aren't I? Hear that, Zed? No more bambi comparisons. I'm a Rottweiler -with a temper.''A very small Rottweiler,' said Zed, still not convinced.
Joss Stirling
‎No people whose word for 'yesterday' is the same as their word for 'tomorrow' can be said to have a firm grip on the time.
Salman Rushdie
You can't give her that!' she screamed. 'It's not safe!'IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE.'She's a child!' shouted Crumley.IT'S EDUCATIONAL.'What if she cuts herself?'THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON.
Terry Pratchett
Why?' is always the most difficult question to answer. You know where you are when someone asks you 'What's the time?' or 'When was the battle of 1066?' or 'How do these seatbelts work that go tight when you slam the brakes on, Daddy?' The answers are easy and are, respectively, 'Seven-thirty in the evening,' 'Ten-fifteen in the morning,' and 'Don't ask stupid questions.
Douglas Adams
Dead. Never been that before. Not even once.
Jasper Fforde
It's Sanjit. It's a Hindu name. It means 'invincible.'""That's great," Lana said."Invincible. I can't be vinced.""That's not even a word," Lana said."Go ahead: try to vince me," Sanjit said.
Michael Grant
It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. There is no fun in doing nothing when you have nothing to do. Wasting time is merely an occupation then, and a most exhausting one. Idleness, like kisses, to be sweet must be stolen.
Jerome K. Jerome
Reality depresses me. I need to find fantasy worlds and escape in them.
Noel Fielding
Look. Survey. Inspect. My hair is ruined! I look like a pan of bacon and eggs!
Diana Wynne Jones
When you get a thing the way you want it, leave it alone.
Winston S. Churchill
This paper, by its very length, defends itself from ever being read.
Winston S. Churchill
No, thanks," said Harry. "The toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it— it might be sick." Then he ran, before Dudley could work out what he'd said.
J.K. Rowling
Ford carried on counting quietly. This is about the most aggressive thing you can do to a computer, the equivalent of going up to a human being and saying "Blood...blood...blood...blood...
Douglas Adams
Take care of the sense and the sounds will take care of themselves.
Lewis Carroll
When something needs to be said, you look for a man to say it. But when something needs actually to be done, you look for a woman.
P.B. Kerr
I know how to use a fellytone now.
J.K. Rowling
It is proved by surveys that happiness does not come from love, wealth, or power but the pursuit of attainable goals.
Helen Fielding
The Destiny of Man is to unite, not to divide. If you keep on dividing you end up as a collection of monkeys throwing nuts at each other out of separate trees.
T.H. White
So Dobby stopped us from getting on the train and broke your arm. . . ." He shook his head. "You know what, Harry? If he doesn't stop trying to save your life he's going to kill you.
J.K. Rowling
I read the fuck out of every book I can get my hands on.
Nick Hornby
Everyone knows revenge is a dish best served when you've had enough time to build up enough vitriol and fury.
Sophie Kinsella
If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?
Philip
Yeah you can have a word," said Harry savagely. "Good-bye.
J.K. Rowling
Yeah, well, food's one of the five exceptions to Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfigurations," said Ron, to general astonishment.
J.K. Rowling
Wild!" Ron said, twiddling the replay knob on the side. "I can make that old bloke down there pick his nose again... and again... and again...
J.K. Rowling
How in the name of Merlin's pants have you managed to get your hands on those Horcrux books?
J.K. Rowling
I have detected disturbances in the wash.''The wash?''The space-time wash.''Are we talking about some sort of Vogon laundromat, or what are we talking about?''Eddies in the space-time continuum.''Ah...is he. Is he.''What?''Er, who is Eddy, then, exactly?
Douglas Adams
Ow! My brains!
Douglas Adams
It's difficult to see the glass ceiling because it's made of glass. Virtually invisible. What we need is for more birds to fly above it and shit all over it, so we can see it properly.
Caitlin Moran
Of course, everyone's parents are embarrassing. It goes with the territory. The nature of parents is to embarrass merely by existing, just as it is the nature of children of a certain age to cringe with embarrassment, shame, and mortification should their parents so much as speak to them on the street.
Neil Gaiman
This was not a fairy-tale castle and there was no such thing as a fairy-tale ending, but sometimes you could threaten to kick the handsome prince in the ham-and-eggs.
Terry Pratchett
Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.
Terry Pratchett
I am human and I need to be loved,just like everybody else does.
Morrissey
I WILL NOT TOLERATE MENTION OF YOUR ABNORMALITY UNDER THIS ROOF!
J.K. Rowling
What's a philosopher?' said Brutha.Someone who's bright enough to find a job with no heavy lifting,' said a voice in his head.
Terry Pratchett
Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
Graham Chapman
I get it,' said the prisoner. 'Good Cop, Bad Cop, eh?'If you like.' said Vimes. 'But we're a bit short staffed here, so if I give you a cigarette would you mind kicking yourself in the teeth?
Terry Pratchett
The purpose of this lectchoor is to let you know where we are. We are in the deep cack. It couldn't be worse if it was raining arseholes. Any questions?
Terry Pratchett