Quotes by American Authors - Page 66

No sensible person ever made an apology.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Apology - a desperate habit and one that is rarely cured.
Oliver Wendell Holmes
Apologize v: to lay the foundation for a future offence.
Ambrose Bierce
Apology is only egotism wrong side out.
Oliver Wendell Holmes
It is a very delicate job to forgive a man without lowering him in his estimation and yours too.
Josh Billings
There are people who are very resourceful At being remorseful And who apparently feel that the best way to make friends Is to do something terrible and then make amends.
Ogden Nash
My creed is this: Happiness is the only good. The place to be happy is here. The time to be happy is now. The way to be happy is to help make others so.
Charles J. Ingersoll
If men are so wicked with religion what would they be without it?
Benjamin Franklin
Men will wrangle for religion write for it fight for it die for it anything but - live it.
Walter Colton
I don't see why religion and science can't get along. What's wrong with counting our blessings with a computer?
Robert Orben
I don't go to church. Kneeling bags my nylons.
Jan Sterling
Coincidence is God's way of performing miracles anonymously.
Sophy Burnham
The world is my country all mankind are my brethren and to do good is my religion.
Thomas Paine
My wife converted me to religion. I never believed in hell until I married her.
Hal Roach
A Puritan is a person who lives in the fear that someone somewhere may be having a good time.
H.L. Mencken
Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking.
H.L. Mencken
Conscience: That which makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.
Laurence J. Peter
It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me it's the parts that I do understand.
Mark Twain
What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?
Robert Orben
If you can't be kind at least be vague.
David Powers
I don't fly on account of my religion. I'm a devout coward.
Henny Youngman
The first Sunday I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
Fred Allen
God is not a cosmic bellboy for whom we can press a button to get things.
Harry Emerson Fosdick
If I could only see one miracle just one miracle. Like a burning bush or the seas part or my uncle Sasha pick up a check.
Woody Allen
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord in his wisdom didn't work that way. So I just stole one and asked him to forgive me.
Emo Philips
It's clear why they only served bread and wine at the Last Supper. It was a potluck . . . organized by men.
Patti Page
To all things clergic I am allergic.
Alexander Woollcott
When something good happens it's a miracle and you should wonder what God is saving up for you later.
Marshall Brickman
I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
Henny Youngman
I wanted to become an atheist but I gave it up. They have no holidays.
Henny Youngman
A church is a hospital for sinners not a museum for saints.
Abigail Van Buren
I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.
Mae West
Heaven goes by favor if it went by merit you would stay out and your dog would go in.
Mark Twain
My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times men would not stop to ask directions.
Elayne Boosler
I do benefits for all religions. ... I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
Bob Hope
I have a hard time believing that billions of years ago two protozoa bumped into each other under a volcanic cesspool and evolved into Cindy Crawford.
Robert G. Lee
There are no atheists on turbulent airplanes.
Erica Jong
You want to make God laugh? Tell him your future plans.
Woody Allen
If only God would give me a clear sign like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
Woody Allen
I'm not ok - you're not ok and that's ok.
Rev. William Sloane Coffin
There is a crack in everything God has made.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
My atheism like that of Spinoza is true piety towards the universe and denies only gods fashioned by men in their own image to be servants of their human interests.
George Santayana
My theology briefly Is that the universe Was dictated But not signed.
Christopher Morley
An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support.
Fulton Sheen
Infidel n: in New York one who does not believe in the Christian religion in Constantinople one who does.
Ambrose Bierce
If you talk to God you are praying if God talks to you you have schizophrenia.
Thomas Szasz
With soap baptism is a good thing.
Robert G. Ingersoll
For the wonderful thing about saints is that they were human. They lost their tempers got angry scolded God were egotistical or testy or impatient in their turns made mistakes and regretted them. Still they went on doggedly blundering toward heaven.
Phyllis McGinley
Puritanism - the haunting fear that someone somewhere may be happy.
H.L. Mencken
A gentle Quaker hearing a strange noise in his house one night got up and discovered a burglar busily at work. He went and got his gun came back and stood quietly in the doorway. 'Friend ' he said 'I would do thee no harm for the world but thou standest where I am about to shoot.'
James Hines
Don't be agnostic - be something.
Robert Frost
We have grasped the mystery of the atom and rejected the Sermon on the Mount.
Omar Bradley
I think if you ask people what their concept of heaven is they would say if they are honest that it is a big department store with new things every week - all the money to buy them and maybe a little more than the neighbours.
Erich Fromm
Nothing in human life least of all in religion is ever right until it is beautiful.
Harry Emerson Fosdick
Men are idolaters and want something to look at and kiss and hug or throw themselves down before they always did they always will and if you don't make it of wood you must make it of words.
Oliver Wendell Holmes
Faith means intense usually confident belief that is not based on evidence sufficient to command assent from every reasonable person.
Walter Kaufmann
Mystic: a person who is puzzled before the obvious but who understands the non-existent.
Elbert Hubbard
The merit claimed for the Anglican Church is that if you let it alone it will let you alone.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.
Bob Hope
Each religion by the help of more or less myth which it takes more or less seriously proposes some method of fortifying the human soul and enabling it to make its peace with its destiny.
George Santayana