Quotes by American Authors - Page 3357

It's hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one.
Rick Riordan
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Mae West
Moths," repeats Will. "You're afraid of moths?" "Not just a cloud of moths," she says, "like...a swarm of them. Everywhere. All those wings and legs and..." She shudders and shakes her head."Terrifying," Will says with mock seriousness. "That's my girl. Tough as cotton balls.""Oh, Shut up.
Veronica Roth
Of course motivation is not permanent. But then, neither is bathing; but it is something you should do on a regular basis.
Zig Ziglar
Can you surf really well, then?"I looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh."Jeez, Nico," I said. "I've never really tried."He went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since she was a daughter of Zeus? (I didn't answer that one.) If Annabeth's mother was Athena, the goddess of wisdom, then why didn't Annabeth know better than to fall off a cliff? (I tried not to strangle Nico for asking that one.) Was Annabeth my girlfriend? (At this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat-flavored sack and throw him to the wolves.)
Rick Riordan
Oh, we're playing nice now? Shall we have tea first? Brew up a nice pot of kiss-my-ass?
Julie Kagawa
You deal with mythological stuff for a few years, you learn that paradises are usually places where you get killed.
Rick Riordan
Why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.
Sheng Wang
Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with.
Candace Bushnell
What's up?" I asked.You tell me," he said. "You were the one about ready to start making out with Adrian."It was an experiment," I said. "It was part of my therapy."What the hell kind of therapy are you in?
Richelle Mead
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
Pat Monahan
I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.
Mark Twain
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
George Carlin
Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.
Steve Martin
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Albert Einstein
Headline?" he asked."'Swing Set Needs Home,'" I said."'Desperately Lonely Swing Set Needs Loving Home,'" he said."'Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children,'" I said.
John Green
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
Phyllis Diller
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
Dorothy Parker
I love books, by the way, way more than movies. Movies tell you what to think. A good book lets you choose a few thoughts for yourself. Movies show you the pink house. A good book tells you there's a pink house and lets you paint some of the finishing touches, maybe choose the roof style,park your own car out front. My imagination has always topped anything a movie could come up with. Case in point, those darned Harry Potter movies. That was so not what that part-Veela-chick, Fleur Delacour, looked like.
Karen Marie Moning
I'm going to wake Peeta," I say."No, wait," says Finnick. "Let's do it together. Put our faces right in front of his."Well, there's so little opportunity for fun left in my life, I agree. We position ourselves on either side of Peeta, lean over until our faces are inches frim his nose, and give him a shake. "Peeta. Peeta, wake up," I say in a soft, singsong voice.His eyelids flutter open and then he jumps like we've stabbed him. "Aa!"Finnick and I fall back in the sand, laughing our heads off. Every time we try to stop, we look at Peeta's attempt to maintain a disdainful expression and it sets us off again.
Suzanne Collins
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch.
Orson Welles
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
Mae West
Dreams like a podcast,Downloading truth in my ears.They tell me cool stuff.""Apollo?" I guess, because I figured nobody else could make a haiku that bad.He put his finger to his lips. "I'm incognito. Call me Fred.""A god named Fred?
Rick Riordan
Because you can't argue with all the fools in the world. It's easier to let them have their way, then trick them when they're not paying attention.
Christopher Paolini
Beautiful face. Beautiful body. Horrible attitude. It was the holy trinity of hot boys.
Jennifer L. Armentrout
From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!
Dr. Seuss
In a way, it's nice to know that there are Greek gods out there, because you have somebody to blame when things go wrong. For instance, when you're walking away from a bus that's just been attacked by monster hags and blown up by lightning, and it's raining on top of everything else, most people might think that's just really bad luck; when you're a half-blood, you understand that some devine force is really trying to mess up your day.
Rick Riordan
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
Dorothy Parker
Don't feel bad, I'm usually about to die.
Rick Riordan
If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave.
Mo Willems
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
George Carlin
I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay.
Madonna
Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.
Dr. Seuss
The capacity for friendship is God's way of apologizing for our families.
Jay McInerney
Every now and then I like to do as I'm told, just to confuse people.
Tamora Pierce
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Groucho Marx
You possess other people's...bodies."He accepted that statement with a nod."Do you want to possess my body?""I want to do a lot of things to your body, but that's not one of them.
Becca Fitzpatrick
Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.
Bill Watterson
The real story of the Fleece: there were these two children of Zeus, Cadmus and Europa, okay? They were about to get offered up as human sacrifices, when they prayed to Zeus to save them. So Zeus sent this magical flying ram with golden wool, which picked them up in Greece and carried them all the way to Colchis in Asia Minor. Well, actually it carried Cadmus. Europa fell off and died along the way, but that's not important.""It was probably important to her.
Rick Riordan
Yes, frosting. The final defense of the dying.
Suzanne Collins
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
George Carlin
I'm not going to wear a red dress," she said."It would look stunning, My Lady," she called.She spoke to the bubbles gathered on the surface of the water. "If there's anyone I wish to stun at dinner, I'll hit him in the face.
Kristin Cashore
Some people say, “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.
Tina Fey
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
Mark Twain
You here to finish me off, Sweetheart?
Suzanne Collins
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
George Carlin
Say 'provoking' again. Your mouth looks provocative when you do.
Becca Fitzpatrick
Do your thing and don't care if they like it.
Tina Fey
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.
Mark Twain
Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
Steven Wright
If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.
Lemony Snicket
Basically, I have two speeds.... Hostile or smart-aleck. Your choice.
James Patterson
Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!
Dr. Seuss
I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.
Lemony Snicket
Only a true best friend can protect you from your immortal enemies.
Richelle Mead
Mom says it's because she has PMS.Do you even know what that means?"I'm not a little kid anymore. It means pissed-at- men syndrome
Nicholas Sparks
I’d said it before and meant it: Alive or undead, the love of my life was a badass.
Richelle Mead
Love conquers all," Aphrodite promised. "Look at Helen and Paris. Did they let anything come between them?""Didn't they start the Trojan War and get thousands of people killed?""Pfft. That's not the point. Follow your heart.
Rick Riordan
Deadlines just aren't real to me until I'm staring one in the face.
Rick Riordan
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
George Burns