Quotes by American Authors - Page 3347

Hey, our hair's the same color," I said, eying us side by side in the mirror."Sure is, girlfriend." Eric grinned at me.
Charlaine Harris
In the long second before everyone absorbs what just happened, I see the angel rolling his eyes heavenward, like a teenager in the presence of overwhelming lameness. Some people just have no sense of gratitude.
Susan Ee
Dev-"Come in peace or leave in pieces
Sherrilyn Kenyon
I just rely on natural talent," said Adrian, strolling up to the start of the Dragon's Lair. "When you have such a wealth of it to draw from, the danger comes from having too much.
Richelle Mead
Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
Chelsea Handler
She craved a tall glass of the fresh-squeezed lemonade from the pitcher she’d left chilling in the fridge. Two glasses served with a generous slice of pound cake with orange glaze icing sounded twice as nice.
Ed Lynskey
True storyThis morning I jumped on my horseAnd went for a ride,And some wild outlaws chased meAnd shot me in the side.So I crawled into a wildcats caveTo find a place to hideBut some pirates found me sleeping thereAnd soon they had me tiedTo a pole and built a fireUnder me---I almost criedTill a mermaid came and cut me looseAnd begged to be my brideSo I said id come back WednesdayBut I must admit I lied.Then I ran into a jungle swampBut I forgot my guide And I stepped into some quicksandAnd no matter how hard I triedI couldn’t get out, until I metA watersnake named ClydeWho pulled me to some cannibalsWho planned to have me friedBut an eagle came and swooped me upAnd through the air we fliedBut he dropped me in a boiling lakeA thousand miles wideAnd you’ll never guess what I did then---I DIED
Shel Silverstein
Four be the things I'd have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles and doubt.
Dorothy Parker
No dumb bastard ever won a war by going out and dying for his country. He won it by making some other dumb bastard die for his country.
George S. Patton Jr.
Yeah, the whole family knows. It's no big deal. One night at dinner I said, 'Mom, you know the forbidden love that Spock has for Kirk? Well, me too.' It was easier for her to understand that way.
Holly Black
The problem with winter sports is that -- follow me closely here -- they generally take place in winter.
Dave Barry
Ah, well,ʺ said Abe, idly studying his fingertips. ʺI have it on good authority thereʹs going to be a new ‘gateʹ opening up soon over on the south side of the wall."The truth dawned on me. ʺOh lord. Youʹre the one whoʹs been doling out C4.ʺʺYou make it sound so easy,ʺ he said with a frown. ʺThat stuffʹs hard to get a hold of.
Richelle Mead
I don't know what I was expecting a vampire's room to look like. Maybe lots of black, a bunch of books by Camus... oh, and a sensitive portrait of the only human the vamp ever loved, who had no doubt died of something beautiful and tragic, thus dooming the vamp to an eternity of moping and sighing dramatically.What can I say? I read a lot of books.
Rachel Hawkins
See?” I’d whispered to Bones, nudging him with a grin. “He never argues with her. Isn’t that sweet?”A snort preceded his response. “Keep dreaming, pet.
Jeaniene Frost
Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution. It is the universe's way of saying stop, slow down, you move too fast. Listen to the music. Whoa whoa, listen to the music. Because music makes the people come together, it makes the bourgeois and the rebel. So come on people now, smile on your brother, everybody try to love one another. Because what the world needs now is love, sweet love. And I know that love is a battlefield, but boogie on reggae woman because you're gonna make it after all. So celebrate good times, come on. I've gotta stop I've gotta come to my senses, I've been out riding fences for so long... oops I did it again... um... What I'm trying to say is, if you leave tonight and you don't remember anything else that I've said, leave here and remember this: Procrastinate now, don't put it off.
Ellen DeGeneres
Garcia wondered why people with JESUS stickers on their bumper always drove twenty miles per hour under the speed limit. If God was my co-pilot, he thought, I'd be doing a hundred and twenty.
Carl Hiaasen
The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.
Mark Twain
No wonder kids grow up crazy. A cat's cradle is nothing but a bunch of X's between somebody's hands, and little kids look and look and look at all those X's . . ."t"And?"t"No damn cat, and no damn cradle.
Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
So far Kat has been through all the Wa's she could think of, but Hale hadn't admitted to being Walter or Ward or Washington. He'd firmly denied both Warren and Waverly. Watson had prompted him to do a very bad Sherlock Holmes impersonation throughout a good portion of a train ride to Edinburgh, Scotland. And Wayne seemed so wrong she hadn't even tried.Hale was Hale. And not knowing what the W's stood for had become a constant reminder to Kat that, in life, there are some things that can be given but never stolen.Of course, that didn't stop her from trying.
Ally Carter
Claire, did I invite you to my barbeque?" Massie asked, her neck tilting to the right and her arms tightly crossed."Huh? No. I mean, I don't know," Claire said." Massie said through her teeth.
Lisi Harrison
Most men don't seem to get that telling a pissed-off woman to calm down is like throwing gunpowder on a fire.” ~ Liberty Jones
Lisa Kleypas
I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.
Dorothy Parker
What are you talking about?" Narcissus demanded. "I am amazing. Everyone knows this.""Amazing at pure suck," Leo said. "If I was as suck as you, I'd drown myself. Oh wait, you already did that.
Rick Riordan
Now what state do you live in?''Denial.
Bill Watterson
There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words.", Summer 1956]
Dorothy Parker
No one believes a liar. Even when she's telling the truth.
Sara Shepard
Hey, Carlos," the Professor says when he walks in. "How was REACH?""It sucked.""Can you be more specific?" my guardian asks."It really sucked," I elaborate, sarcasm dripping from every word.
Simone Elkeles
Tasers are a one-size-fits-all paranormal butt-kicking option. Mine’s pink withrhinestones.
Kiersten White
Well? Is it true? Did she?""Did she what?""You know. Fall outta the crazy tree and hit every branch on the way down?
Kami Garcia
After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, "You named your breasts?"I turned my back to him with a shrug. "I named my ovaries, too, but they don't get out as much.
Darynda Jones
Help me, I can’t breathe, your ego is pushing all the air out of the room.
Ilona Andrews
Show me somebody who is always smiling, always cheerful, always optimistic, and I will show you somebody who hasn't the faintest idea what the heck is really going on.
Mike Royko
Don't bite his face, Eleanor told herself. It's disturbing and needy and never happens in situation comedies or movies that end with big kisses.
Rainbow Rowell
Well sure, who doesn't need a boyfriend? but realistically, those exotic creatures are hard to come by. At least a quality one.
Rachel Cohn
No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
George Carlin
Folks, it's time to evolve. That's why we're troubled. You know why our institutions are failing us, the church, the state, everything's failing? It's because, um – they're no longer relevant. We're supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?
Bill Hicks
Please, Percy...change your clothes. You smell like you've been run over by an electric horse.
Rick Riordan
Wow. When he started looking back on the war with Kronos as the good old days--that was sad.
Rick Riordan
What was that?" Belgarath asked, coming back around the corner."Brill," Silk replied blandly, pulling his Murgo robe back on."Again?" Belgarath demanded with exasperation. "What was he doing this time?""Trying to fly, last time I saw him." Silk smirked.The old man looked puzzled."He wasn't doing it very well," Silk added.Belgarath shrugged. "Maybe it'll come to him in time.""He doesn't really have all that much time." Silk glanced out over the edge."From far below - terribly far below - there came a faint, muffled crash; then, after several seconds, another. "Does bouncing count?" Silk asked.Belgarath made a wry face. "Not really.""Then I'd say he didn't learn in time." Silk said blithely.
David Eddings
You can't save everybody. In fact, there are days when I think you can't save anyone. Each person has to save himself first, then you can move in and help. I have found this philosophy does not work during a gun battle, or a knife fight either. Outside of that it works just fine.
Laurell K. Hamilton
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
George Carlin
I didn't know a van could go up on two wheels like that, for so long." -Nudge
James Patterson
Hmm…” Jason snapped his fingers. “I can call a friend for a ride.”Percy raised his eyebrows. “Oh, yeah? Me too. Let's see whose friend gets here first.
Rick Riordan
Even on the most solemn occasions I got away without wearing socks and hid that lack of civilization in high boots
Albert Einstein
Margaret Atwood, the Canadian novelist, once asked a group of women at a university why they felt threatened by men. The women said they were afraid of being beaten, raped, or killed by men. She then asked a group of men why they felt threatened by women. They said they were afraid women would laugh at them.
Molly Ivins
You're such a pain in the ass. (Butch) Said the SIG to the Glock. (V)
J.R. Ward
Life's greatest tragedy is not that it will someday end, but that most only live to follow directions and sometimes we end up totally lost.
Alex Gaskarth
The true New Yorker secretly believes that people living anywhere else have to be, in some sense, kidding.
John Updike
Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.
In this dirty minded world, you are either someone's wife or someone's whore. And if you're not either people think there is something wrong with you....but there is nothing wrong with me
John Irving
Playing with fire Kitten?
Jeaniene Frost
I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
Charles M. Schulz
A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it.
Mark Twain
Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching. -- Dogbert's Motto
Scott Adams
Chocolate is God's apology for brocolli
Richard Paul Evans
Geez, you guys. I know I'm popular and all, but seriously, you're a bit too co-dependent for me. I'm going to need you to step away from my personal bubble." A wispy vine-woman curled ivy tendrils around his arm, and he sliced through them with his dagger. "No! Bad Wraith! No touchie!
Julie Kagawa
A dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest.
Johnny Depp
The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised.
George F. Will
Someday we'll look back on this and it will all seem funny.
Bruce Springsteen
Mary-Lynnette: "You have not read 'Pride and Prejudice'."Ash: "Why not?"Mary-Lynnette: "Because Jane Austen was a human."Ash: "How do you know?"Mary-Lynnette: "Well Jane Austen was a woman, and you're a chauvinist pig."Ash: "Yes, well, that I can't argue.
L.J. Smith