Quotes by American Authors - Page 3340

Tayla cursed under her breath. "I was just explaining to Eidolon that Sin is a Smurfette."Wraith swung his big body around to study Sin with blue eyes that were very different from Shade's, E's. and Lore's. Sin's, too. "Nah. Smurfette is way hotter.""What the fuck is a Smurfette?" Eidolon was seriously getting annoyed now."There's this cartoon called The Smurfs," Tayla explained, slowly, as though Eidolon were the child here."They're these little blue people, and they're all male. But one day a female shows up. She shouldn't exist, but she does."Eidolon considered that for a second. "How did she get there?""An evil wizard named Gargamel made her," Tayla said. "In a lab or something.""So you're suggesting that an evil wizard made Sin?""Of course not, silly. I'm just saying she's a Smurfette. A lone female amongst males."Eidolon frowned. "Did the Smurfette mate with the males?""Dude." Wraith grimaced. "It's a cartoon.
Larissa Ione
If you fail to report within the next 12 hours. you will be terminated. If you attack any humans, you will be terminated. If you attempt to remove the tracking device, you will be terminated. We look forward to working with you.
Kiersten White
I stared at him (Dionysus). "You're...you're married? But I thought you got in trouble for chasing a wood nymph-
Rick Riordan
Buttercup's mother whirled on him. 'Did you forget to pay your taxes?' (This was after taxes. But everything is after taxes. Taxes were here even before stew.)
William Goldman
Because sometimes you just have to dance like a madman in the Self-Help section of your local bookstore.
David Levithan
How ghastly for her, people actually thinking, with their brains, and right next door. Oh, the travesty of it all.
Gail Carriger
If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.
George Carlin
She can go with us to the lab and keep Myrnin pinned down while we pull the plug, if he's not... you know, better.""Define BETTER with that guy.""Not all fangs and raaaaar.
Rachel Caine
You okay?""Fine.""Your heart's beating really fast.""Gee, thanks. That's very comforting that you can hear it."He smiled, and it was the old Michael, the one she'd first met before all the vamp stuff."Yeah, I know it is. Sorry. Just stay behind me if there's trouble.""You sound like Shane.""Well, he did say he'd kill me if I got you hurt. I'm just looking after my own neck.""Liar.
Rachel Caine
Hey, bro, do you think you can put Shorty back on her chain?"I stepped forward with my hands on my hips, only slightly intimidated to find Kaleb almost eye level with me when he was seated and I was standing."First of all, no one is the boss of me but me. Secondly, if you ever reference my 'chain' again, I will kick your ass." I jabbed him hard in the chest with my finger. Possibly breaking it. "And thirdly, don't call me Shorty."Kaleb sat silently for a second, his eyes wide as he looked at Michael. "Where did you get her? Can you get me one?"I blew out a loud, frustrated sigh and dropped down beside Michael, who didn't even try to hide his smile. "You should probably apologize to Emerson.""I am sorry." Kaleb grinned at me. "Sorry I didn't meet you first.
Myra McEntire
There's no room for demons when you're self-possessed.
Carrie Fisher
Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log.
Ellen DeGeneres
Normal people can become very annoying if put in annoying situations.
Jessica Park
If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
Scott Adams
First bubble baths. Now Disney parks. You're shattering every creep vampire myth I've ever heard.
Jeaniene Frost
If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.
Dorothy Parker
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Fulton J. Sheen
A cavalryman's horse should be smarter than he is. But the horse must never be alowed to know this.
Steven Pressfield
I am prone to envy. It is one of my three default emotions, the others being greed and rage. I have also experienced compassion and generosity, but only fleetingly and usually while drunk, so I have little memory.
Augusten Burroughs
I believe it was Shakespeare, or possibly Howard Cosell, who first observed that marriage is very much like a birthday candle, in that 'the flames of passion burn brightest when the wick of intimacy is first ignited by the disposable butane lighter of physical attraction, but sooner or later the heat of familiarity causes the wax of boredom to drip all over the vanilla frosting of novelty and the shredded coconut of romance.' I could not have phrased it better myself.
Dave Barry
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
Steven Wright
Har. Bloody. Har.
Stephanie Perkins
The Princess Andromeda?""Went ka-boom.
Rick Riordan
Maybe he thinks he can rescue me? No one is that stupid.
Kim Harrison
Are you guys busy?" Juniper asked. "Well," I said, "we're in the middle of this game against a bunch of monsters and we're trying not to die." "We're not busy," Annabeth said.
Rick Riordan
He’s always asking: ‘Is that new? I haven’t seen that before.’ It’s like, Why don’t you mind your own business? Solve world hunger. Get out of my closet.
Michelle Obama
Is it really you this time, Kells?”“Well, I’m no maggoty corpse, if that’s what you mean.”He grinned. “That’s a relief. No maggoty corpse would be that sarcastic.
Colleen Houck
I'm telling you, you really should stick to mating within your species, whatever that is.''I would,' I said, 'but unfortunately, there are no gorgeous, all-powerful, all-knowing gods around here. I'd even settle for a demigod. It's a step down, I know. But alas, there are nothing but low-brained mortals here. And half-brains, like you.
Kristin Walker
This is what it's all been about with you," he said in an even tone. "All the fear, allthe running. The nightmares." When she nodded, he said, "You called him the devil.""But you... married him?" "Basically? Yes.""Ceremony and everything?"She swallowed. "He tricked me into it. I-I was only sixteen."A muscle ticked in his cheek and his irises grew pale. "Then know this..."She stopped breathing."Lass, I'm about to make you a widow--
Kresley Cole
Myrnin, who hadn't said much, suddenly reached out and wrapped his arms around her. She stiffened, shocked, and for a panicked second wondered whether he'd suddenly decided to snack on her neck... but it was just a hug. His body felt cold against hers, and way too close, but then he let go and stepped back. "You've done very well. I'm extremely proud of you," he said. There was a touch of color high in his pale cheeks. "Do go home now. And shower. You reek like the dead."Which, coming from a vampire, was pretty rich.
Rachel Caine
Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
Steven Wright
Welcome to Hell. Here's your accordion.
Gary Larson
I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
George Carlin
Did I hurt your feelings again? Sorry. When this is all over I'll send some flowers to your inner child.
Richard Kadrey
You used nunchucks on a moose?"Wolfe got a haunted look in his eyes. "I used all sorts of things on that bastard.
Richelle Mead
Finnik?” I say. “Maybe some pants?”
He looks down at his legs as if noticing them for the first time. Then he whips of his hospital gown, leaving him in just is underwear. “Why? Do you find this”-he strikes a ridiculously proactive pose-“distracting?”
I can’t help laughing because it’s funny, and it’s extra funny because Boggs looks so uncomfortable, and I’m happy because Finnik actually sounds like the guy I met at the Quarter Quell.
“I’m only human, Odair.” I get in before the elevator doors close. “Sorry,” I say to Boggs.
“Don’t be. I thought you… handled that well,” He says. “Better than my having to arrest him, anyway.”

Fulvia Cardew hustles over an makes a sound of frustration when she sees my clean face. “All that hard work, down the drain. I’m not blaming you, Katniss. It’s just that very few people are born with camera-ready faces. Like him.” She snags Gale, who’s in a conversation with Plutarch, and spins him towards us. “Isn’t he handsome?”
Gale does look stricking in the uniform, I guess. But the question just embarrasses us both Given our history. I’m trying to think of a witty comeback when Boggs says brusquely, “Well don’t expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.
Suzanne Collins
Apparently, dancing for him and throwing herself at him weren't enough. Apparently, she had to nearly commit murder to arouse him enough to attack her.
Gena Showalter
There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous andshallow: Yet it was the schoolboy who said 'Faith is believing what youknow ain't so'.
Mark Twain
It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class we couldn't afford to do experiments in order to prove theories. We just believed everything. Actually, I think that class was called Religion. Religion class was always an easy class. All you had to do was suspend the logic and reasoning you were being taught in all the other classes.
George Carlin
Talk is cheap. Show me the code.
Linus Torvalds
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Rodney Dangerfield
If you're anorexic, you're doing it wrong."I swat him with a dish towel. "No, no, I mean anorexics look in the mirror, and even if they're eighty pounds, they still see a fat girl. I'm a hundred pounds heavier than I was in high school, my veins are full of creme fraiche, and yet I look in the mirror, take in the hair and makeup, and think, Damn, baby, you fiiine.
Jen Lancaster
Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force the Muse to show up. You get into the habit of writing every day so that when she shows up, you have the maximum chance of catching her, bashing her on the head, and squeezing every last drop out of that bitch.
Lili St. Crow
Don't mess with a wizard when he's wizarding!
Jim Butcher
Gimme an S! A T! An O! A C! Followed by a K-H-O-L-M! What's it spell? HEAD FUCK.- Jane
J.R. Ward
I gave him my best cryptic smile. He did not fall down to his feet, kiss my shoes, and promise me the world. I must be getting rusty.
Ilona Andrews
I ran three miles, staggered into the lobby, and took the elevator back to my apartment. No point to overdoing this exercise junk. --Stephanie Plum
Janet Evanovich
I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was "Quote" so the last thing I said before I died would be "Unquote.
Steven Wright
Bite me, Harry Potter.
Meg Cabot
The two most beautiful words in the English language are 'cheque enclosed.
Dorothy Parker
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Sed paused in his song, feeling ridiculous for singing it to her while they made love.“Baby, you realize this song is about Trey’s dead dog, don’t you?
Olivia Cunning
If reassurances could dull pain, nobody would ever go to the trouble of pressing grapes.
Scott Lynch
Ask any guy if sex is important in a relationship and the one who says no is lying. I just haven't met that guy yet. When you meet him, let's get him in to the Smithsonian - he's that special and rare.
Steve Harvey
Familiarity breeds contempt and children.
Mark Twain
I'll go," he said."And that's safer because?""I'm a guy.""Right, and having a pair of dingle balls makes you invincible how?
Gemma Halliday
His mouth captured hers, trying to show her with his kiss what he was still learning to express in words. He loved her.He worshipped her. He'd walk across fire for her. He——still had the audience of her three brothers.Slowly breaking the kiss, he turned his face to the side. Anthony, Benedict, and Colin were still standing in the foyer.Anthony was studying the ceiling, Benedict was pretending to inspect his fingernails, and Colin was staring quite shamelessly.
Julia Quinn
Yo, beautiful. Come pop this collar off me.”Natalya hissed, “Are you mad?”“What’s she gonna do? Vivisect me? Imprison me? We’ve got a pact to fulfill,remember?” To Dorada, she cried, “Seriously, sweetheart, shake that mummified ass over here.”Regin kicked the glass. “Lemme the fuck out—”La Dorada swung her head around,peering at Regin with her one eye.“Okay. That’s freaky. Lookit, Gollum, if you spring me, I’ll help you find your Precious.
Kresley Cole
Before I could lose my courage, I said, "Don't I get a kiss for luck? It's kind of a tradition, right?"I figured she would punch me. Instead, she drew her knife and stared at the army marching toward us. "Come back alive, Seaweed Brain. Then, we'll see.
Rick Riordan
The sh*t's gonna splatter, start buggin, yo..."Mencheres to Cat
Jeaniene Frost