Quotes by American Authors - Page 3339

Merda! Her lace panties had snagged on his ring, the signet ring he'd inherited from his father, Giacomo Casanova. His father had seduced hundred of women without any problems whatsoever, and he was having trouble with just one. This was the real reason he never used the Casanova name. He could never live up to his father's reputation. The old man was probably laughing in his grave.Nine circles of hell," Jack muttered.Hell?" Lara asked. "I thought I was the Holy Land."You're paradise. Unfortunately, I am stuck there."Her eyes widened. "Stuck?"Normally, I would love being stuck to your lovely bum, but it would look odd if we go sightseeing with my hand under your skirt. Especially in the basilica."She glanced down. "How can you be stuck?"My ring. It's caught in the lace. See?" He moved his hand down her hip, dragging her undies down a few inches.Okay, stop." She bit her lip, frowning, then suddenly giggled. "I can't believe this has happened."I assure you, as much as I had hoped to get your clothes off, this was not part of my original plan."She snorted. "No problem. Just rip yourself loose."Are you sure?" It will destroy you undies."She narrowed her eyes with a seductuve look. "Rip it."Very well." He jerked his hand away, but the panties came with him. He yanked his hand back and forth, but the lacy, latex material simply stretched with him. "Santo cielo, they are indestructible."Lara laughed.He continued to wage battle, but to no avail. "They could use this material to build spaceships.
Kerrelyn Sparks
In the world according to Garp, we are all terminal cases
John Irving
Hugh consoled me, saying, "Don't let it get to you. There are plenty of things you're good at."When asked for some examples, he listed vacuuming and naming stuffed animals. He says he can probably come up with a few more, but he'll need some time to think.
David Sedaris
You saw my leg?""How can a man help what he sees?" he said. "And, if I could add, you possess a very fine leg.
Shannon Hale
First Pallas and now you,” the gray-haired man said, shaking his head at Nick. “It’s like I’m running a goddamn dating service around here.
Julie James
Evelyn was an insomniac so when they say she died in her sleep, you have to question that.
Garrison Keillor
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and you'll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you try, you can't remember his or her name. This can be very embarassing, especially if he or she turns out to be your spouse.
Dave Barry
To err is human, to purr is feline.
Robert Byrne
Emergency dance party--go away.
Rainbow Rowell
I've got a theory, it could be bunnies...I've got a theor-Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposesThey've got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses.And what's with all the carrots-?What do they need such good eyesight for anyway?Bunnies, bunnies it must be bunnies!...or maybe midgets...
Joss Whedon
Leo had seen Tia Callida in action; she liked knives, snakes and putting babies in roaring fires. Yeah, definitely let's unleash her rage. Great idea.
Rick Riordan
Truth would quickly cease to be stranger than fiction, once we got as used to it.
H.L. Mencken
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
Steven Wright
ligion is the opiate of the masses." "I did masses of opiates religiously.
Carrie Fisher
Sure,” she said, and hugged the laptop bag closer. “What could go wrong?”Michael’s eyes flashed to meet hers in the rearview mirror.Besides everything, I mean,” she said.
Rachel Caine
Did you eat my Twinkies?"She gulped. Keeping her eyes glued to the whip, she said, "Exactly what Twinkies are we talking about?""The Twinkies in the cupboard over the sink. The only Twinkies in the trailer." His fingers convulsed around the coils of leather.Oh, Lord, she thought. Flayed to death for a Twinkle."Well?""It, uh — it won't happen again, I promise you. But they didn't have any special marking on them, so there was no way I could tell they were yours." Her eyes remained riveted on the whip. "And normally I wouldn't have eaten them— I never eat junk food-—but I was hungry last night, and, well, when you think about it, you'll have to admit I did you a favor because they're clogging my arteries now instead of yours."His voice was quiet. Too quiet. In her mind she heard the howl of a rampaging Cossack baying at a Russian moon. "Don't touch my Twinkies. Ever. If you want Twinkies, buy your own.
Susan Elizabeth Phillips
You're kidding," Shane said. "Do you think I want to visit Crazy McTeeth in his lair of insanity?""No," Claire said, "but I'm pretty sure you won't like it if I go alone when I just kind of promised to be with you. So...?""Right. I've been missing Nutty McFang anyway.""Stop making up names for him.""What about Count Crackula?""Just stop.
Rachel Caine
There are two ways to look at life. The first view is that nothing stays the same and that nothing is inherently connected, and that the only driving force in anyone's life is entropy. The second is that everything pretty much stays the same (more or less) and that everything is completely connected, even if we don't realize it.
Chuck Klosterman
Another relative?" Valek asked.A broad smile stretched Moon Man's lips. "Yes. I am her mother's uncle's wife'sthird cousin."--Valek and Moon Man
Maria V. Snyder
I resisted the urge to hurl my plate at him. “Of course not, Ian. It’s just that normally at this hour, Bones and I are fucking like rabbits, so I get twitchy when I have to wait for him to climb aboard.
Jeaniene Frost
The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse
Bill Watterson
The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it.
Scott Adams
Men drive off bridges and drink too much because of women like you.
Janet Evanovich
I’m going to tell you something once and then whether you die is strictly up to you," Westley said, lying pleasantly on the bed. "What I’m going to tell you is this: drop your sword, and if you do, then I will leave with this baggage here"—he glanced at Buttercup—"and you will be tied up but not fatally, and will be free to go about your business. And if you choose to fight, well, then, we will not both leave alive."You are only alive now because you said 'to the pain.' I want that phrase explained."My pleasure. To the pain means this: if we duel and you win, death for me. If we duel and I win, life for you. But life on my terms. The first thing you lose will be your feet. Below the ankle. You will have stumps available to use within six months. Then your hands, at the wrists. They heal somewhat quicker. Five months is a fair average. Next your nose. No smell of dawn for you. Followed by your tongue. Deeply cut away. Not even a stump left. And then your left eye—"And then my right eye, and then my ears, and shall we get on with it?" the Prince said.Wrong!" Westley’s voice rang across the room. "Your ears you keep, so that every shriek of every child shall be yours to cherish—every babe that weeps in fear at your approach, every woman that cries 'Dear God, what is that thing?' will reverberate forever with your perfect ears. That is what 'to the pain' means. It means that I leave you in anguish, in humiliation, in freakish misery until you can stand it no more; so there you have it, pig, there you know, you miserable vomitous mass, and I say this now, and live or die, it’s up to you: Drop your sword!"The sword crashed to the floor.
William Goldman
And before you barrel through some idiotic Cosmo girl list of how-well-do-you-know-your-man questions, let me say that I don't know squat about him except that he kisses like a god and screws like a devil.
Kristin Hannah
Punctuation, is? fun!
Daniel Keyes
Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.
Steve Martin
Total non-retention has kept my education from being a burden to me.
Flannery O'Connor
You would be amazed how many magicians have died after being bitten by mad rabbits. It's far more common than you might think. -Angela the Herbalist
Christopher Paolini
I'm the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people I've never even met.
David Sedaris
Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it.
Amy Sedaris
Go ahead. You're not going to walk in on anyone. I'm home alone.""The whole night?"Immediately, I realized it might not have been the smartest thing to say. "Dorothea will be coming soon." That was a lie. Dorothea was long gone. It was close to midnight."Dorothea?""Our housekeeper. She's old- but strong. Very strong." I tried to squeeze past him. Unsuccessfully."Sounds frightening," he said, retrieving the key from the lock. He held it out for me. "She can clean a toilet inside and out in under a minute. More like terrifying.
Becca Fitzpatrick
Sydney spent a lot of time on my bed these days.Unfortunately, it wasn't with me.
Richelle Mead
To me, nudity is a joke. I don't think nude people are very attractive at all. I like my women fully clothed. I like to imagine what might be under there. It might not be the standard thing. Imagine, stripping a woman down, and she has a body like a little submarine. With periscope, propellers, torpedoes. That would be the one for me. I'd marry her right off and be faithful to the end.
Charles Bukowski
Here," Myrnin said, his voice still gentle and low. "Amelie said you had to work. No one said you had to work alone." He picked up the next part and slotted it in, took the screwdriver from Claire's numbed fingers, and fastened it with a couple of deft, fast movements. "I'll be your hands."She wanted to cry, because it was so sweet, but it wouldn't do any good.
Rachel Caine
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Steven Wright
Unrequited love is so boring. Weeping under a blue-black sky is for suckers or maniacs.
Alice Hoffman
I didn't think about being king,” he said, his voice hoarse.Eddis stared. “Your capacity to land yourself in a mess because you didn't think first, Eugenides, will never cease to amaze me. What do you mean you didn't think about being king? Is Attolia going to marry you and move into my library?
Megan Whalen Turner
Cheeses crusty, got all musty, got damp on the stone of a peach,” I agreed. He looked blank, so I repeated it with proper emphasis. “ ChEEZ-zes crusty. Got Al -musty. Got DAMp on the StoneofapeaCH.
Patricia Briggs
Money isn't everything...but it ranks right up there with oxygen.
Rita Davenport
No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
Gideon J. Tucker
Likest thou jelly within thy doughnut?
Jim Butcher
Women intrinsically understand human dynamics, and that makes them unstoppable. Unfortunately, the average man is less adroit at fostering such rivalries, which is why most men remain average; males are better at hating things that can't hate them back (e.g., lawnmowers, cats, the Denver Broncos, et cetera). They don't see the big picture.
Chuck Klosterman
When I die of heart failure the next time you frighten me like that, you can put that on my gravestone—‘I didn’t mean to startle her.
Patricia Briggs
Do you know, sire, I think that if we live to tell our grandchildren about this war, they will accuse us of making it up.' -Marielle
Tamora Pierce
Doctor, if being a bitch is healthy, then I am the healthiest damn woman on the face of the earth
Augusten Burroughs
When jumping is the sole option, you jump, and try to make it work.
Brandon Mull
Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled.
Rick Riordan
Butch tightened his grip on his cell and wished there were an app that let you reach through a phone and bitch slap someone.
J.R. Ward
I wish we could make out in your bed."Noah sighed. "As do I, but I'm afraid we have ritual burning to conduct.""It's always something.""Isn't it though?
Michelle Hodkin
At first, I could lie about my lack of sleep and she'd fall for it, but she started suspecting insomnia when I began seeing purple elephants in the air vents at the office. I knew I shouldn't have asked her about them. I thought maybe she'd redecorated.
Darynda Jones
I like pink."Lucius sniffed. "It's just red's sorry, weak cousin.
Beth Fantaskey
Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
Dave Barry
Peter to Austin:"Hard-ons don't make you think less. They make you think stupid. Which makes me think you must have one 24/7.
Dani Alexander
Yes Headwoman Azaze. But I never lie to Rosethorn. She, um, discourages it.""Evvy and I have an understanding." She grabbed the teakettle and poured hot water into the mug. "She tells me the truth, and I don't hang her in the first well we come to. It's a solution that works tolerably well for both of us.
Tamora Pierce
Insanity does NOT run in my family. It strolls through, takes its time, and gets to know everyone personally. —T-SHIRT
Darynda Jones
Mary had a little lamb, its fleece electrostatic / And everywhere Mary went, the lights became erratic.
David Foster Wallace
You want sensitive and understanding, stick with the therapist.You want great,headbanging sex, get off the fucking phone and come with me.
Jennifer Crusie
Snoring keeps the monsters away.
Judy Blume