Quotes by American Authors - Page 3338

See, that’s the difference,” Mauvin said. “I suffer a loss and people console me. Royce suffers a loss and whole towns evacuate.
Michael J. Sullivan
Damien has died and gone straight to gay boy heaven,' Shaunee said...
P.C. Cast
I always listen to you. Except when I don't.
Maggie Stiefvater
Adrian was easily distractible by wacky topics and shiny objects.
Richelle Mead
So, Belle, what's new today?"Dad," I said, grasping his hands and looking directly into his eyes. "I'm in the deepest love that has ever occurred in the history of the world."Gosh, Belle. When someone asks you 'What's new?' the correct answer is 'Not much'. Besides, isn't it a little soon to cut yourself off from the rest of your peers, depending on a boyfriend to satisfy your social needs as opposed to making friends? Imagine what would happen if something forced that boy to leave! I'm imagining pages and pages would happen - with nothing but the names of the months on them.
The Harvard Lampoon
What is your advice to young writers?” “Drink, fuck and smoke plenty of cigarettes.
Charles Bukowski
Babe!
Janet Evanovich
I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.
Steve Martin
Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.
George W. Bush
Excruciating agony makes me cranky.
Brandon Mull
I don't really like coffee, she said, but I don't really like it when my head hits my desk when I fall asleep either.
Brian Andreas
There was this book Dad used to read to me every night called "The Giving Tree." It was a really good book, but the back of it had a picture of the author, this guy named Shel Silverstein.But Shel Silverstein looks more like a burglar or a pirate than a guy who should be writing books for kids.Dad must have known that picture kind of freaked me out, because one night after I got out of bed, Dad said: "IF YOU GET OUT OF BED AGAIN TONIGHT, YOU'LL PROBABLY RUN INTO SHEL SILVERSTEIN IN THE HALLWAY."That really did the trick, Ever since then, I STILL don't get out of bed at night, even if I really need to use the bathroom.
Jeff Kinney
I didn't do anyting wrong. All I know is I saw two people struggling to get inside these walls and they [Minho and Alby] couldn't make it. To ignore that because of some stupid rule seemed selfish, cowardly, and... well, stupid. If you want to throw me in jail for trying to save someone's [Alby] life, then go ahead. Next time I promise I'll point at them and laugh, then go eat some of Frypan's dinner. -Thomas
James Dashner
I have never read The Joy of Crap. Sounds disgusting. I have, however, read The Joy of Sex. Not in a while, but I think it's one of those classics you can come back to again... and again.
Michelle Hodkin
Anyway.I’m not allowed to watch TV, although I am allowed to rent documentaries that are approved for me, and I can read anything I want. My favorite book is A Brief History of Time, even though I haven’t actually finished it, because the math is incredibly hard and Mom isn’t good at helping me. One of my favorite parts is the beginning of the first chapter, where Stephen Hawking tells about a famous scientist who was giving a lecture about how the earth orbits the sun, and the sun orbits the solar system, and whatever. Then a woman in the back of the room raised her hand and said, “What you have told us is rubbish. The world is really a flat plate supported on the back of a giant tortoise.” So the scientist asked her what the tortoise was standing on. And she said, “But it’s turtles all the way down!”I love that story, because it shows how ignorant people can be. And also because I love tortoises.
Jonathan Safran Foer
Wrath: What the hell are you supposed to ask?Rhage: I know! Who do you like the most? It's me right?Come on, you know it is. Come oooooonnnnn-Butch: If its you,, I'll kill myself.V: No, that just means she's blind.Rhage: It has to be me.V: She said she didn't like you at first.Rhage: Ah, but I won her over, which is more than anyone else can say about you, hot stuff.J.R.: I don't like anyone the bestWrath: Right answer.Rhage: She's just sparing all of you feelings. (grins, becoming impossibly handsome) She's so polite.J.R.: Next question?Rhage: Why do you like me the best?
J.R. Ward
Elaine: Ugh, I hate people.Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst.
Jerry Seinfeld
I was raised right — I talk about people behind their backs. It's called manners.
Kathy Griffin
I’d have been dead a long time ago if not for my friends, one of whom had just jumped off the cliff after me. I’d have been a lot more appreciative if he hadn’t pushed me first." ~Cassandra Palmer
Karen Chance
And a special thanks for not burning up the whole ship. Including yourself, you daft bum-rag.
Scott Westerfeld
My bookcase is all yours."I walked to the door. "I've just decided that those are my favorite five words in the world.
Kasie West
I felt this awful obligation to be charming or at least have something to say, and the pressure of having to be charming (or merely verbal) incapacitates me.
Peter Cameron
No. Don't distract me with your sexy talk.
Rachel Hawkins
I came to the table, pulled up a chair, and sat. “Everyone brought a pet. I feel left out.” An enthusiastic howl broke the silence, and Grendel bounded through the doorway. He galloped through the steak house, skidded on the floor, smashed into my chair, and dropped a dead rat on my lap. Awesome.
Ilona Andrews
I'm as pure as the driven slush.
Tallulah Bankhead
Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.
Ronald Reagan
I ripped my left arm out of his hand and slammed my elbow into his solar plexus. He exhaled in a gasp. I lunged for the dagger and sat on top of him, my knees pinning his arms, my dagger on his throat.He lay still. “I give up,” he said and smiled. “Your move.”Er. I was sitting atop the Beast Lord in my underwear, holding a knife to his throat. What the hell was my next move?
Ilona Andrews
I past another telkhine, who was so startled he dropped his Lil' Demons lunch box. I left him alive - partly because he had a cool lunch box...
Rick Riordan
You know how hard it is to feel like an extreme falcon-headed combat machine when somebody calls you "chicken man"?
Rick Riordan
One glance and I knew exactly who and what he was. The classic alpha male, the kind who had spurred evolution forward about five million years ago by nailing every female in sight. They charmed, seduced, and behaved like bastards, and yet women were biologically incapable of resisting their magic DNA.
Lisa Kleypas
One time I actually cleaned out my closet so good I ended up on the cover of Time magazine.
Ellen DeGeneres
Claire was struggling through last summer’s diary volume when Myrnin popped in through the portal, wearing a big floppy black hat and a kind of crazy/stylish pimp coat that covered him from neck to ankles, black leather gloves, and a black and silver walking stick with a dragon’s head on it. And, on his lapel was a button that said, If you can read this, thank a teacher.
Rachel Caine
What I'm expecting is for you to behave like the gentleman I always thought you were.
Wendelin Van Draanen
Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.
Charles M. Schulz
And so the dentist says 'Rinse.' So you lean over, and you're lookin' at this miniature toilet bowl.
Bill Cosby
I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.
Bill Watterson
I don't understand how people canstand next to you one year,and next year, they cannot. They're going crazy, screaming. They can't take it that you're there. But last year I was in the same club,walking around,lonely like a motherfucker. Couldn't get a date or a dance. I was too skinny, too something,and now, "He's just adorable. He's just, oh!
Tupac Shakur
I’ve had a tense couple of days. And I’ve got to tell you, burning someone’s face off sounds like a great way to relax.
Jim Butcher
She'd met Colin on a Monday.She'd kissed him on a Friday.Twelve years later.She sighed. It seemed fairly pathetic.
Julia Quinn
I disapprove of matrimony as a matter of principle.... Why should any independent, intelligent female choose to subject herself to the whims and tyrannies of a husband? I assure you, I have yet to meet a man as sensible as myself! (Amelia Peabody)
Elizabeth Peters
It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech.
Mark Twain
Tarzan-like men are my weakness, apparently.
Colleen Houck
Ceres wanted a united front in the plant war.""The plant war," Percy said. "You're going to arm all the little grapes with tiny assault rifles?
Rick Riordan
We need to gather everyone we can.Damien scoffed. Uh, boss, hate to be a pall, but I think everyone we can gather is currently in this room.Sin paused to look at Simi, Xirena, Damien, Kat, Kish, and Xypher. It was a pitiful number of defenders. But it was all the world had. In that case, we need to seriously arm ourselves.Damien crossed himself. Hail Mary, full of grace-What are you doing? Kish asked. You're not Catholic.Yeah but I'm feeling really religious all of a sudden and it seemed like a good idea.
Sherrilyn Kenyon
She frowned at me. "You need some rest. You look like hell. And you're obviously tired enough to have gotten the giggles."Wizards don't giggle," I said, hardly able to speak. "This is cackling.
Jim Butcher
I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't.
Steve Martin
You look disappointed to see me, Zach," Macey teased. "Don't you like my jacket?
Ally Carter
If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind.
Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
I've never created a riot before. I did cause a brawl at the last formal. A large number of young women there actually arrived with the expectation of seducing me into matrimony, and a couple of their mothers came to blows. It was hilari—I mean, dreadful. Simply dreadful.
Ilona Andrews
She wondered if it was her stupid mother, the goddess of love, messing with her thoughts. If Piper started getting urges to read fashion magazines, she was going to have to find Aphrodite and smack her.
Rick Riordan
I'd made the vampire cry. Great. I felt like a real superhero. Harry Dresden, breaker of monsters' hearts.
Jim Butcher
Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.
Steve Martin
Don't run I never liked fast food
Rachel Caine
Oliver laughed - actually laughed."I like this new Claire," he said. "You should work her this hard all the time, Myrnin. She's interesting when she's forthright."Claire, possessed by the spirit of Eve, shot him the finger. Which made him laugh again, shake his head, and walk up the steps.
Rachel Caine
Earrings are like orgasms. You can never have too many." " I never thought about it quite that way." Well, you're a man. " She gave his knee a friendly pat.
Nora Roberts
Myrnin turned away to pick up his Ben Franklin spectacles, balanced them on his nose, and looked over them to say, "Don't do drugs. I feel I ought to say that.
Rachel Caine
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Steven Wright
Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either.
Chelsea Handler
The food was so good that with each passing course, our conversation devolved further into fragmented celebrations of its deliciousness:'I want this dragon carrot risotto to become a person so I can take it to Las Vegas and marry it.
John Green
I’ve been thinking.” “A dangerous pursuit.” “Indeed.
Victoria Schwab