Quotes by American Authors - Page 199

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit the stores are open late and thanks to television you can shop in bed.
Joan Rivers
When I first came to this country I didn't have a nickel in my pocket - now I have a nickel in my pocket.
Groucho Marx
I once saw a pin on a Delta Airlines employee and I asked him what the letters in Delta stand for. He said "Don't Expect Luggage To Arrive."
Adam Christing
London: A place you go to get bronchitis.
Fran Lebowitz
In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.
Mark Twain
I asked Tom if countries always apologized when they had done wrong and he said: "Yes: the little one does."
Mark Twain
I would say that the single most important conclusion I reached after traveling through Japan as well as countless hours reading studying and analyzing this fascinating culture is that you should always tighten the cap on the shampoo bottle before you put it in your suitcase.
Dave Barry
I have just returned from Boston it is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there.
Fred Allen
Living in California adds ten years to a man's life. And those extra ten years I'd like to spend in New York.
Harry Ruby
New Yorkers are so impersonal if it wasn't for muggings there wouldn't be any contact at all!
Robert Orben
I feel about New York as a child whose father is a bank robber. Not perfect but I still love him.
Woody Allen
A car is useless in New York essential everywhere else. The same with good manners.
Mignon McLaughlin
I have no respect for gangs today. None. They just drive by and shoot people. At least in the old days like in West Side Story the gangs used to dance with each other.
Robert G. Lee
Miami drivers will attempt to pass you inside a car wash.
Dave Barry
It looks as if Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
Groucho Marx
There's nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Ross Macdonald
L.A.'s large convenience stores are so big they can accommodate up to twenty armed robbers at one time.
Jay Leno
I hate Billings Montana. They have a fashion show at Sears Roebuck - no models. You open a catalog and point.
Joan Rivers
Cold! If the thermometer had been an inch longer we'd all have frozen to death.
Mark Twain
There's a lot of nice things about Denver. I just don't for the life of me know what they are.
Judy Hampton
My wife tells me she doesn't care what I do when I'm away as long as I'm not enjoying it.
Lee Trevino
One certainty when you travel is the moment you arrive in a foreign country the American dollar will fall like a stone.
Erma Bombeck
When we can't get away for a vacation we get the same feeling by staying home and tipping every person that smiles.
Susie Spanos
Cathedrals Luxury liners laden with souls Holding to the east their hulls of stone.
W.H. Auden
Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house Not a creature was stirring - not even a mouse The stockings were hung by the chimney with care In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
Clement C. Moore
I heard the bells on Christmas Day Their old familiar carols play And wild and sweet The words repeat Of peace on earth good-will to men!
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
No Santa Claus! Thank God he lives and he lives forever. A thousand years from now Virginia nay ten times ten thousand years from now he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.
Francis P. Church
0 little town of Bethlehem How still we see thee lie! Above thy deep and dreamless sleep The silent stars go by.
Phillips Brooks
If you go to church and like the singing better than the preaching that's not orthodox.
Edgar Watson Howe
Ethical man - a Christian holding four aces.
Mark Twain
A Christian is a man who feels Repentance on a Sunday For what he did on Saturday And is going to do on Monday.
Thomas R. Ybarra
A Christian is nothing but a sinful man who has put himself to school for Christ for the honest purpose of becoming better.
Henry Ward Beecher
Christian: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbour.
Ambrose Bierce
Somewhere and I can't find where I read about an Eskimo hunter who asked the local missionary priest 'If I did not know about God and sin would I go to hell?' 'No' said the priest 'not if you did not know.' 'Then why ' asked the Eskimo earnestly 'did you tell me?'
Annie Dillard
The idea of Christ is much older than Christianity.
George Santayana
Christianity is a battle not a dream
Wendell Phillips
Whatever makes men good Christians makes them good citizens.
Daniel Webster
The sages and heroes of history are receding from us and history contracts the record of their deeds into a narrower and narrower page. But time has no power over the name and deeds and words of Jesus Christ.
William Ellery Channing
I do not choose to run for President in 1928.
Calvin Coolidge
Books ... rarely if ever talk about what children can make of themselves about the powers that from the day or moment of birth are present in every child.
John Holt
If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder without any such gift from the fairies he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it rediscovering with him the joy excitement and mystery of the world we live in.
Rachel Carson
Do not mistake a child for his symptom.
Erik Erikson
There are only two things a child will share willingly - communicable diseases and his mother's age.
Benjamin Spock
There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots the other wings.
Hodding Carter
We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up.
Christopher Morley
The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any.
Fred Astaire
What's done to children they will do to society.
Karl Menninger
If a child lives with approval he learns to live with himself.
Dorothy Law Nolte
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he is buying.
Fran Lebowitz
Children have never been very good at listening to their elders but they have never failed to imitate them.
James Baldwin
William Blake really is important my cornerstone. Nobody ever told me before he did that childhood was such a damned serious business.
Maurice Sendak
Healthy children will not fear life if their elders have integrity enough not to fear death.
Erik Erikson
A child thinks twenty shillings and twenty years can scarce ever be spent.
Benjamin Franklin
Childhood - a period of waiting for the moment when I could send everyone and everything connected with it to hell.
Igor Stravinsky
Juvenile appraisals of other juveniles make up in clarity what they lack in charity.
Edgar Z. Friedenberg
An adolescent is both an impulsive child and a self-starting adult.
Mason Cooley
I think that saving a little child And bringing him to his own Is a derned sight better business Than loafing around the throne.
John Hay
How dear to this heart are the scenes of my childhood When fond recollection presents them to view.
Samuel Woodworth
There was a little girl And she had a little curl Right in the middle of her forehead When she was good she was very very good When she was bad she was horrid.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Teach your child to hold his tongue He'll learn fast enough to speak.
Benjamin Franklin