Spike Milligan Quotes

I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare but then I thought Why should I? He never reads any of mine.
Spike Milligan
I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare but then I thought Why should I? He never reads any of mine.
Spike Milligan
Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
Spike Milligan
Money can't buy friends but you can get a better class of enemy.
Spike Milligan
Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
Spike Milligan
Author? Author? Did you write these legs?''Yes."'Well, I don't like dem. I don't like 'em at all at all. I could ha' writted better legs meself.
Spike Milligan
Life wasn't too bad. The trouble with Man was, even while he was having a good time, he didn't appreciate it. Why, thought Milligan, this very moment might be the happiest in me life. The very thought of it made him miserable.
Spike Milligan
Busty’ Roberts had joined the Royal Artillery in 1914 and since then had steadily risen to the rank of Gunner. Now the crunch: someone with a perverted sense of humour made him a Lance Bombardier. Roberts went insane with power. The war now consisted of two people, him and Hitler.
Spike Milligan
Some people live a nothing life: the most important thing they ever do is die. Thank God for eccentrics! Take Gunner Octavian Neat. He would suddenly appear naked in a barrack room and say, “Does anybody know a good tailor?”, or “Gentlemen – I think there’s a thief in the battery.” He was the bane of the Regiment.
Spike Milligan
...Roberts had joined the Royal Artillery in 1914 and since then had steadily risen to the rank of Gunner. Now the crunch: someone with a perverted sense of humour made him a Lance Bombardier. Roberts went insane with power. The war now consisted of two people, him and Hitler.
Spike Milligan
With a roof over his head he had ceased to work, living off his [war] pension and his wits, both hopelessly inadequate.
Spike Milligan
The clock in the church tower said 4.32, as it had done for three hundred years. It was right once a day and that was better than no clock at all.
Spike Milligan
R.I.P.Tom Conlon O'Rourke.Not Dead, just Sleeping.
Spike Milligan
After Puckoon I swore I'd never write another book. This is it
Spike Milligan
On the Ning Nang NongWhere the Cows go Bong!And the Monkeys all say Boo!Theres a Nang Nong NingWhere the trees go Ping!And the tea pots Jibber Jabber JooOn the Nong Ning NangAll the Mice go Clang!And you just cant catch em when they do!So its Ning Nang Nong!Cows go Bong!Nong Nang Ning!Trees go Ping!Nong Ning Nang!The mice go Clang!What a noisy place to belong,Is the Ning Nang Ning Nang Nong!
Spike Milligan
My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
Spike Milligan
A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush
Spike Milligan
Said Hamlet to Ophelia,I'll draw a sketch of thee.What kind of pencil shall I use?2B or not 2B?
Spike Milligan
Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
Spike Milligan
(On his gravestone): "I told you I was ill".
Spike Milligan