Lois Greiman Quotes - Page 2

Friends are nice. You can tell' 'em stuff, but you can swear like a gangster at an enemy. And that's all right, too.
Lois Greiman
Opportunity may only knock once, but temptation'll knock down the damn door and drag you out by the hair.
Lois Greiman
Maybe in fairytales you're only as old as you feel, but here in L. A. you're every second as old as your pores.
Lois Greiman
Love may be blind, but lust is just damn stupid.
Lois Greiman
And thanks to Christina McMullen, who has taught me that common sense and intelligence need not have any correlation whatsoever.
Lois Greiman
I've been a little cranky since that house fell on my sister.
Lois Greiman
A balanced diet and a brisk daily walk will help keep you healthy, but there's nothing like a good-looking young man with a nice butt to help up your cardiovascular system.
Lois Greiman
You are a perfect woman, a magical blend of beauty, intelligence, and spirit. Without you, my life is nothing.
Lois Greiman
Yeah, world peace would be all right, but what about a day off in a slab of ham the size of my head.
Lois Greiman
Life's funny. Sometimes it's your oyster, and sometimes you're it's bitch-slapped man-whore.
Lois Greiman
Trust is important to any relationship… and easier to come by if you get a picture of a guy's wife buck naked.
Lois Greiman
There aren't many things a man finds more appealing than loyalty. Unless it's a woman with really big knockers.
Lois Greiman
It ate a party till someone ends up naked.
Lois Greiman
Lust and love. They both put a fire in your damn shorts.
Lois Greiman
Celibacy sucks, no pun intended.
Lois Greiman
I'd rather be pissed off then pissed on.
Lois Greiman
It is far better to know the painful truth than to live with a kindly falsehood.
Lois Greiman
Sometimes stupid is crime enough.
Lois Greiman
Men have two outstanding features--their brains and their genitalia. Unfortunately, both rarely function simultaneously.
Lois Greiman
There are lots of fish in the sea. Some are sharks, some are angels, and some are bottom feeders.
Lois Greiman
Love makes the world go around, but so does a gallon of vodka and a box of Cuban cigars.
Lois Greiman
If men were necessary in the procreation process, they'd have gone the way of the dodo bird long ago.
Lois Greiman
I'd love to go out with you, but I'd hate to deprive some village of its idiot.
Lois Greiman
If at 1st you don't succeed, stretch out on your La-Z-Boy with a six-pack and a porn flick. Y' still won't succeed, but you sure as hell won't give a shift.
Lois Greiman
A person without regrets is called a corpse.
Lois Greiman
Sometimes it's nice to have a man around the house. But a dog will clean the dishes.
Lois Greiman
False hope is better than no hope at all.
Lois Greiman
All's well so long-as you don't get shot in the hind end with a twenty gauge.
Lois Greiman
I'm just an everyday kind of hero. If the everyday kind saves babies from burning buildings and looks hotter than hell in bunker gear.
Lois Greiman
A woman needs a man like a tuba needs a cucumber.
Lois Greiman
There are 2 kinds of people in the world. Those who enjoy a nice salami and those who have no souls.
Lois Greiman
A wedding is no way to begin a marriage.
Lois Greiman
When men age they're called sophisticated. When women age they ain't called at all.
Lois Greiman
If you don't scare the neighbors while copulating, I'm afraid you're doing something terribly wrong.
Lois Greiman
Apparently it takes, like, forty-seven muscles to frown. Flippin' the bird' s a hell of a lot easier.
Lois Greiman
Women have to be in the mood for sex. Men have to be breathing.
Lois Greiman
Love is like skydiving without a parachute.
Lois Greiman
Let us talk about oxymoron, common sense, for instance.
Lois Greiman
Of course I believe in hell. I have three brothers.
Lois Greiman
Maybe knowledge is power, but it ain't nearly as as satisfying as punching some smart ass in the chops.
Lois Greiman
Excuses are like butt holes everyone has 'em and they all stink.
Lois Greiman
If money don't buy happiness, what the hell does?
Lois Greiman
Matrimony and firefighting. They ain't for cowards.
Lois Greiman
What if there's no such thing as PMS, and this is just my personality?
Lois Greiman
You don't know many friends you have till you buy a big-ass house on the beach.
Lois Greiman
You guys gotta get a license to drive a Geo, but any doofus with a few good swimmers can be a father.
Lois Greiman
A friend is someone who will bike to the ice cream shop with you, even when you don't look so good.
Lois Greiman
Taxes for people with too much damned time on their hands.
Lois Greiman
Expect stupid. It's everywhere.
Lois Greiman
The trouble with insanity is it can flare up at the most inconvenient moments.
Lois Greiman
In the beginning God made the seas, the mountains, the heavens, and buffalo knees. He made lilies, and dew drops, and snail shells, and roses, and dippers, and yappers, and snappers, and noses.
Lois Greiman
He looked from His heavens and saw it was good, the toes and the crows all looked like they should. The bunny was quick, the finch bright as a daisy, the owl flew at night, and the tortoise was lazy.
Lois Greiman
When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
Lois Greiman
Maybe curiosity did kill your cat. But it wouldn't hurt to keep an eye on the neighbor's rottweiler just the same.
Lois Greiman
Honest friends is kinda nice, but it's hard to beat a big-ass lie and a six-pack of brewskies.
Lois Greiman
Even choosing the perfect dinner wine loses its earth-shattering importance if your guests happen to be cannibals, and you, the unsuspecting entree.
Lois Greiman