Lois Greiman Quotes

He's just a flash in the pants.
Lois Greiman
Luck is merely a product of the happily delusional mind.
Lois Greiman
Life is what you make it. Unless some guy finds you with his girl. Then the ball's pretty much in his court.
Lois Greiman
You're just so lucky blood's so hard to get out of the carpet.
Lois Greiman
You're gonna sit down. You're gonna shut up. And by the grace of God Almighty, I ain't gonna kill you.
Lois Greiman
If it looks like a cat, walks like a cat, and has whiskers like a cat, it's probably a damn cat. But if it eats your groceries, messes up your kitchen, and makes you want to rip out your hair by the roots, you either married it or gave birth to it
Lois Greiman
Every morning I read the obituaries. If it ain't there I make myself a cup of tea and carry on like I have the past century or so.
Lois Greiman
When in doubt, shoot 1st and ask questions later, but avoid the head, "because they'rea lot more likely to answer if they're not dead.
Lois Greiman
Honesty is the best policy. But insanity is a hell of a lot more effective in court. So your set, McMullen
Lois Greiman
Breaking up is hard to do. But, bustin him in the head ain't that easy, either.
Lois Greiman
They say love makes the world go around… I been dizzy for a long time.
Lois Greiman
Sex is all right, but a hot fudge sundae don't never ask if the baby's really his.
Lois Greiman
I fear that someday you will abandon the joys we share and find another not worthy of your charms.
Lois Greiman
Jealousy. It's a terrible thing. Unless it's someone else's.
Lois Greiman
It'd hardly be worth having a brother at all, if you couldn't smack him in the head every once in a while.
Lois Greiman
It's not who you know, it's who you sleep with.
Lois Greiman
Some men are warriors and some men are weenies. The trick is figuring out which is which.
Lois Greiman
Today's problems are yesterday's mistakes coming back to bite you in the ass.
Lois Greiman
Maybe life does suck, Pork Chop, but it beats the hell out of the alternative.
Lois Greiman
Just when you think you have life by the tail, it's likely to whip around and take a hunk outta your balls.
Lois Greiman
There is no greater hell than realizing you're in love with the guy you hate.
Lois Greiman
You lose a couple of pounds and get a guy good and drunk, you could have a hell of a good time even if you are not smart.
Lois Greiman
Generally, men are superior in the areas of heavy lifting, where there's a past only by pachyderms and building cranes. Beyond that, I believe any right-thinking thinking will see that women have the indisputable advantage.
Lois Greiman
The theory of relativity doesn't amount to a hill of beans when there's a bonfire in your shorts.
Lois Greiman
Fair play is all well and good. But knowing how to kick 'em in the balls can get you out of a jam 9 times out of 10.
Lois Greiman
Just remember this, Missy, escargot ain't nothin' but snails with their noses stuck in the air.
Lois Greiman
Beauty is only skin deep, but who gives a shit what's under their skin anyway?
Lois Greiman
Chocolate may be cheaper than a psychiatrist, but the latter doesn't generally adhere to your ass for the rest of your natural life.
Lois Greiman
If I want to catch the damn worm I get outta bed.
Lois Greiman
Some people are street-smart, some people are book-smart, but most people are just dumber than dirt.
Lois Greiman
There is no feature as attractive as a well exercised intellect.
Lois Greiman
You really don't know a person until you spend some time in their panties.
Lois Greiman
Old-age sucks, but the alternative doesn't look that great, either.
Lois Greiman
He who laughs loudest has a high probability of being extremely inebriated.
Lois Greiman
She may be an old flame, but she still smokin'.
Lois Greiman
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but tequila makes it so she doesn't give a shit if she's fond of you are not
Lois Greiman
In 50 years it won't matter if he's handsome, ugly, or dumb as a post, just try to find someone who don't make you want to shove a pitchfork up his nose.
Lois Greiman
In this town, a successful marriage is one that lasts longer than ice.
Lois Greiman
In the movie business, the ones we call Lucky are usually those idiots who are just too damn stubborn to take no for an answer. Come to think of it, the movie business is kind of like life.
Lois Greiman
There isn't much a pan of warm Brownies and a glass of milk will fix. In less it's low grain prices. Or poverty. Or the national debt. I guess there are a few things, but nothing you have to worry about right this minute.
Lois Greiman
I ain't taking no more rides on the stupid train.
Lois Greiman
Dating is like nightfall--there's got to be a mourning after.
Lois Greiman
Don't worry. It's scientifically unlikely that the universe will explode into a million particles at any given moment.
Lois Greiman
Dating--the socially accepted alternative to the rack.
Lois Greiman
In my opinion, kissing a lady's hand is a fine tradition. After all, a man must start somewhere.
Lois Greiman
Some people say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. In actuality, you have to make an incision through his skin, both dermis and epidermis, then carefully sever and separate the sternum. Only upon viewing the exposed thoracic cavity can you reach the heart--if indeed the male of the species actually possesses such an organ.
Lois Greiman
I don't need no PMS. I can bitch under my own steam.
Lois Greiman
Maybe money can't buy happiness, but it can get you a nice little villa in Tuscany, and that's close enough for me.
Lois Greiman
He's an undersized pissant with delusions of adequacy.
Lois Greiman
A pigs and pain, until you really get to know 'em. Then he's a paid with the soul.
Lois Greiman
Analyzing dreams is much like walking on water. There are a limited number of people who do it well.
Lois Greiman
Booze and boys, ain't nothing in the universe that'll make a girl stupid faster.
Lois Greiman
Maybe knowledge is power, but it's damned hard to think a burglar to death.
Lois Greiman
Men are like beer. Some are bold and some are smooth. But every damn one of 'em has a big-ass head full of air.
Lois Greiman
I'd trade every last one of you for a moment's peace and a dog that didn't P on the carpet
Lois Greiman
If they really wanted us to resist temptation, they shouldn't a made it so damn tempting.
Lois Greiman
It's not as if I don't like men, I just have more respect for my washing machine.
Lois Greiman
In my experience, "what the hell" is generally the most interesting decision.
Lois Greiman
There is not a simple gene pool entirely free of toxic waste.
Lois Greiman
Marriage is like a toothbrush. It starts out smooth and gets kind of prickly towards the end.
Lois Greiman