Elle Lothlorien Quotes - Page 2

Who are you? Rabbit and Souris call you ‘Alice,’ me and Dee call you ‘Faye.’ I just didn’t know if ‘Alice’ was your poker-playing, Southern Hemisphere name or what. Hey, I’m just trying to fit in here. If I should be introducing myself as ‘Clark,’ I want to know about it sooner rather than later so I don’t embarrass myself.
Elle Lothlorien
Okay, so English settlers brought rabbits with them to Australia to breed for food and stuff, right? But they escaped and basically started destroying the country, eating the vegetation, that kind of thing. So by the early 1900s, the government was trying to figure out a way to get rid of all the rabbits. Want to hear what their genius plan was? The rabbit-proof fence. Worked out great for the rabbits. Once they learned how to play badminton and got the hang of tennis on grass, they couldn’t remember how they ever lived without it. Supposedly there was something like six hundred million rabbits by 1950. But you’re missing the point. The point is that even though it was pretty obvious from the beginning it wasn’t working, they kept right on building it—two thousand miles of it.
Elle Lothlorien
You keep right on building that fence, Faye. See what good it does you.
Elle Lothlorien
Fun fact: You may hug koalas in the Australian state of New South Wales, but not in Queensland. So…if you didn’t hug your koala nice and tight before you got here to Sydney, you’re going to be shit out of luck until we go back to Surfer’s Paradise.
Elle Lothlorien
I hear they’re all infected with chlamydia, which just goes to show that you really can’t tell who’s got the clam. I mean, look at a picture of a koala…tell me you’re not shocked.
Elle Lothlorien
In any other fabric of space-time, my brother would have picked up Dee’s venereal disease-infested koala punt and run it straight down the line of vulgarity, all the way to the touchdown of tastelessness.
Elle Lothlorien
Did the Ancient Greeks ever write anything funny—like slapstick? I mean, I think I speak for everyone when I say that there’s nothing wrong with a little bit of well-written physical comedy.
Elle Lothlorien
After one and a half cocktails, finding the appropriate response is a bit of a challenge. I finally say, 'Thank you for inviting me,' and leave the less desirable 'Want to play strip poker?' in the unscrupulous part of my brain where it belongs.
Elle Lothlorien
Speaking of your eyeballs, dear brother,I overheard some girls talking about you in the restroom at the tournament hotel. Apparently rumor now has it that you won’t allow anyone to see your eyes—ever. In fact, according to this knowledgeable source, you even sleep and shower with your glasses on in case someone unexpectedly walks in...one of them said she’d seen your eyes for herself two years ago and could only describe them as 'ferocious and roving,’ and ‘burning white-hot with a primal, raw wildness.
Elle Lothlorien
Okay then, I suppose you get a pass on poker intimidation for the glasses, little brother. But everyone else is wearing them at the tables too, and they’re all just sitting there, looking all serious, like they’re birthing the Grand Theory of Everything.
Elle Lothlorien
This is from the queen? And you say it’s for a mouse? I’m sorry, sir, but the Pyramid Hotel doesn’t allow any pets except for service animals.
Elle Lothlorien
Did you forget a dentist appointment or something, big guy? Where the hell did you hop off to?
Elle Lothlorien
Well, I think I speak for everyone when I say that 'Alice Faye picked a peck of pepper for the poor, piping pig in the purple poke.' Wait—is that not what we’re talking about here?
Elle Lothlorien
What if it’s a shy fish? Is that a 'coy koi?' What? Don’t hate me because I’m asking the important questions.
Elle Lothlorien
He’s a guy. We’re easy and stupid. Just go bat your eyes at him and beg for forgiveness. It’ll take five minutes…three if you wear something low-cut.
Elle Lothlorien
Yeah, that’s exactly how I feel when I’m around you: confused, but still satisfied.' I freeze, trying to figure out how to cancel it out and replace it with something that sounds a whole lot less like sex and a candy bar ad.
Elle Lothlorien
I brought you out here because I wanted to share a sunrise with you, and maybe even a sunset. I wanted to see how much I could kiss you between now and the time we dock tomorrow. And if I was really lucky, I was hoping I could lie with you until you fell asleep, until I couldn’t stay awake anymore. And in the morning, we’d wake up, and we’d be together, just like this.
Elle Lothlorien
Oh, and Mr. Montgomery? I think I counted about four dozen important-sounding words and almost no substance at all in that explanation. I don’t think you should close the door on your diplomatic career entirely.
Elle Lothlorien
Don’t worry, little bunny, we only use our triplet telepathic powers for good.
Elle Lothlorien
Uh-oh, I hope he doesn’t start rattling off dirty limericks next; she’ll probably burn the hotel down.
Elle Lothlorien
Alice, I am the game, and trust me: you don’t want to play me.
Elle Lothlorien
Would you like to hear about the fascinating things lizards can do if you chew off their tails?
Elle Lothlorien
Remember that rabbit-proof fencing you told me about? You get that at a hardware store or is it special order?
Elle Lothlorien
So…while we’re sitting here on this luxury yacht enjoying our bread and water, why doesn’t someone tell me the plan?
Elle Lothlorien
I made sure to brush my teeth as soon as I was able. I even asked for a hair tie to pull my long, blood-red hair into a twist at the nape of my neck so I wouldn’t have that 'freshly hospitalized' look.
Elle Lothlorien
Well, Faye, dear, I’m sure Harlow’s sorry she didn’t think to ask if you’d been eaten by a shark. That’s totally on her.
Elle Lothlorien
By the way, don’t thank me for saving you, thank the lifeguards. If it was up to me, I would’ve just carried you off to the building by the boardwalk that said SURGERY. I’m sorry, but there’s a big difference between a family doctor treating you for the sniffles, and a guy who actually owns and knows how to use an operating table.
Elle Lothlorien
I think I can say with confidence that it’s a lot funnier if you haven’t actually been attacked by a shark.
Elle Lothlorien
Are we turning back? Because if you’re just trying to solve my post-traumatic stress problem by exposing me to rock sharks until I’m desensitized, trust me—that ship has sailed.
Elle Lothlorien
That’s exactly where they send entry-level diplomats. After you cut your teeth on a few civil wars and a famine or two, you might get lucky and be given a plum post somewhere in the SECOND World.
Elle Lothlorien
You know what Munny said to me, right before we left? She said, ‘Watching someone die is hard work. Go to Australia and watch Faye fall in love with some dude named Rabbit. That should be fun.
Elle Lothlorien
I think it should be obvious by now that I’m not necessarily interested in reality.
Elle Lothlorien
Don’t be such a dumbass, Gabe. Koalas don’t travel in herds. They move in heaps. Much like emus move in ripples, and kangaroos travel in photo-ops.
Elle Lothlorien
I don’t think I heard the same ending you did. Maybe you should tell it again.
Elle Lothlorien
Let’s put it this way: you know how we always told you that all those years of tormenting four sisters turned you into a closet sadist? Well, if you ever decide that being a lawyer isn’t bringing you the kind of gratification you were hoping for, then I think I found the perfect job for you.
Elle Lothlorien
Well, the gondola operator—whose name was ‘Happy,’ I might add—failed to inform me that about sixty seconds into the trip, the floor under the section of car I was standing on was going to slide away.Turns out it was a really useful way of finding out which of the passengers suffers from acute acrophobia.
Elle Lothlorien
I am commanding you, as an older and wiser brother, to get over here, get on this caterpillar, and ride to the top of this mushroom with me.
Elle Lothlorien
Enjoy your little run because there’s no way you get off this boat without her trying to slice your Achilles in half.
Elle Lothlorien
And just so you know—that winter forest we walked into first? That was from Through the Looking Glass too. Hey, if you’re going to saddle me with the blame for your overconsumption, at least get the book right.
Elle Lothlorien
Wait, and you had to ask him if Faye’s in danger? IF? Okay, first of all, I’m just going to admit that I didn’t know Japan had a Mafia, but I also didn’t know they got a Disney World. If someone gets an invitation from the Mafia, I’d say there’s potential for a bit of danger, wouldn’t you? I mean, am I the only one here who saw Goodfellas?
Elle Lothlorien
Right, 'the Queen of Hearts.' Sounds to me like you’re just one bitch in a whole pack of cards, baby.
Elle Lothlorien
The words ‘drink me’ come to mind. Anyone besides me up for some heavy alcohol consumption?
Elle Lothlorien
Oh, Alice, you haven’t even had a taste of my romantic streak yet. And when the time’s right I don’t think I’ll have to ‘try’ to have my way with you. I just WILL.
Elle Lothlorien
My help—it’s not a light switch you can turn on and off. My help starts right now, and after this point you don’t get to tell me that you don’t want it anymore. Understand? You had a chance to walk away, Alice, and you didn’t take it. Now it’s time to play the game.
Elle Lothlorien
Have you thrown ‘Why is a raven like a writing desk?’ at her yet?
Elle Lothlorien
For someone named Alice, you’re really not all that up on your Wonderland trivia.
Elle Lothlorien
Just keep it simple, Alice Faye. Remember how you taught yourself. Nothing’s different just because you’re on a yacht, or wearing a fancy dress. Or because you appear to have dropped acid and are now in the mirror room at the fun house.
Elle Lothlorien
I look around briefly at the other players like I always do before a game. Other than Queenie, Bill, and Talon, I don’t know any of them (and I don’t care enough about them to know them). But if there’s going to be any cordiality, any forced politeness or ‘Aw, shucks, let’s all just try to have a good time here tonight’ kind of blather, then now’s the time to get it out of the way before I get down to the business of screwing everyone out of their hopes and dreams.
Elle Lothlorien
You know what they say, Queenie: ALWAYS bet like you have a pair.
Elle Lothlorien
Pretty great view. You think they’d do something about the sharks.
Elle Lothlorien
Turns out rolling your eyes in a bar when ‘Land Down Under’ plays is like someone belching during the Star Spangled Banner in America.
Elle Lothlorien
Oh, yeah, that goatee is really unattractive. That definitely belongs on a much fatter man.
Elle Lothlorien
Are you saying that you need an attorney? For what? As far as I know, being a dick isn’t against the law in any country.
Elle Lothlorien
I don’t need to look at your primal, white-hot, mutant pirate eyes, big guy. Just forget that I’m there, and I’ll try to block out the fact that I ever met you. Basically we’ll just act like we do every day.
Elle Lothlorien
Are you referring to the day you instructed me to ‘follow the white rabbit,’ plied me with absinthe and brownies, and tried to have your way with me? Didn’t take long for you to lose your romantic streak, did it?
Elle Lothlorien
Didn’t you read the invitation? There’s going to be a game in a little while--the big Twister game in an hour. Make sure you eat plenty of bread.
Elle Lothlorien
You can donate marrow for her, Alice Faye, you can’t cure her. You can win a poker tournament, but that won’t make her want to live. So I’ll ask you again: Who are you, and what are you doing here? Because Munny sure doesn’t want you to be her, and she wants someone to be out in the world living since she’s got the market cornered on dying right now.
Elle Lothlorien
I slump in my chair, thinking how a narcotic party of one is no party at all.
Elle Lothlorien
Aw, you’re nothing but heart, Mako. Nice valentine in your skull, by the way. Is that temporary or did the Tanaka-kai change their daimon to attract the Powerpuff Girls crowd?
Elle Lothlorien
If you ever pull a switcheroo like that again, Dee, I’m going to offer your boyfriend ten thousand dollars to make out with Alice for two minutes.
Elle Lothlorien