Dave Crawley Quotes

I Will Not Tease Rebecca GrimesI have to write one hundred times:"I will not tease Rebecca Grimes."Okay, that's one. I'm far from done.(This isn't gonna be much fun.) "I will not tease Rebecca Grimes."That's two. I'm paying for my crimes.It's all because I pulled her hairAnd put spaghetti on her chair.Because I gave her goofy looksAnd squirted mustard on her books,I have to write one hundred times:"I will not tease Rebecca Grimes."That's three. Whoopee. It's going slow.Just ninety-seven more to go."I will not tease" (I'm keeping score.)"Rebecca Grimes." (Now that makes four.)I'm soaked with sweat. My shirt is damp.I think I'm getting writer's cramp."I will not, will not, will not teaseRebecca Grimes!" Can I stop, please?The teacher frowns, and that means no.I still have sixty-six to go."I will-will-will not-not-not-notTease-tease-tease-tease..." It's getting hot."I will not tease Rebecca Grimes."That's ninety-nine. The school bell chimes.Just one more line and I'll be through.Rebecca Grimes, this one's for you!My final line will rhyme with "Grimes":"I will not tease Rebecca...Slimes!"Rebecca Slimes! Ha ha! That's great!I'd better hide it. Oops! Too late!The teacher sees what I wrote down.She takes my paper with a frown.I now must write one thousand times:"I will not tease Rebecca Grimes.
Dave Crawley
My doggy ate my homework.He chewed it up," I said.But when I offered my excuseMy teacher shook her head. I saw this wasn't going well.I didn't want to fail.Before she had a chance to talk,I added to the tale:"Before he ate, he took my workAnd tossed it in a pot.He simmered it with succotashTill it was piping hot."He scrambled up my science notesWith eggs and bacon strips,Along with sautéed spelling wordsAnd baked potato chips."He then took my arithmetic And had it gently fried.He broiled both my book reports With pickles on the side."He wore a doggy apronAs he cooked a notebook stew.He barked when I objected.There was nothing I could do.""Did he wear a doggy chef hat?"My teacher gave a scowl."He did," I said. "And taking itWould only make him growl."My teacher frowned, but then I said As quickly as I could,"He covered it with ketchup, And he said it tasted good.""A talking dog who likes to cook?" My teacher had a fit.She sent me to the office, And that is where I sit.I guess I made a big mistake In telling her all that.'Cause I don't have a doggy. It was eaten by my cat.
Dave Crawley