Bill Watterson Quotes - Page 2

Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.
Bill Watterson
Yakka foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink wattoom gazork. Chumble spuzz. I love loopholes.
Bill Watterson
Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!
Bill Watterson
I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.
Bill Watterson
The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse
Bill Watterson
[Calvin and Hobbes are playing Scrabble.] Calvin: Ha! I've got a great word and it's on a "Double word score" box! Hobbes: "ZQFMGB" isn't a word! It doesn't even have a vowel! Calvin: It is so a word! It's a worm found in New Guinea! Everyone knows that! Hobbes: I'm looking it up. Calvin: You do, and I'll look up that 12-letter word you played with all the Xs and Js! Hobbes: What's your score for ZQFMGB? Calvin: 957.
Bill Watterson
Years from now, when I'm successful and happy, ...and he's in prison... I hope I'm not too mature to gloat.
Bill Watterson
I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world.
Bill Watterson
If you can't win by reason, go for volume.
Bill Watterson
Hobbes: Jump! Jump! Jump! I win! Calvin: You win? Aaugghh! You won last time! I hate it when you win! Aarrggh! Mff! Gnnk! I hate this game! I hate the whole world! Aghhh! What a stupid game! You must have cheated! You must have used some sneaky, underhanded mindmeld to make me lose! I hate you! I didn't want to play this idiotic game in the first place! I knew you'd cheat! I knew you'd win! Oh! Oh! Aarg! [Calvin runs in circles around Hobbes screaming "Aaaaaaaaaaaa", then falls over.] Hobbes: Look, it's just a game. Calvin: I know! You should see me when I lose in real life!
Bill Watterson
Calvin: Why are you crying mom?Mom: I'm cutting up an onion.Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables.
Bill Watterson
From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success.... I'm just here to cash in.
Bill Watterson
Now what state do you live in?''Denial.
Bill Watterson
Hello Dad! It is now three in the morning. Do you know where I am?
Bill Watterson
The world isn't fair, Calvin.""I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?
Bill Watterson
I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
Bill Watterson
You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go.
Bill Watterson
I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point.
Bill Watterson
That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.
Bill Watterson
Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him?
Bill Watterson
Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did? Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm's Thermonuclear League of Liberty. Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin. Calvin: [retrospectively] I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
Bill Watterson
I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends.
Bill Watterson
I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.
Bill Watterson
Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?
Bill Watterson
We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are.
Bill Watterson
As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.
Bill Watterson
In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
Bill Watterson
Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.
Bill Watterson
I liked things better when I didn't understand them.
Bill Watterson
Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
Bill Watterson
HOBBES:If you don't get a goodnight kiss you get Kafka dreams.
Bill Watterson
Isn't it sad how some people's grip on their lives is so precarious that they'll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth?
Bill Watterson
HOBBES:Virtue needs some cheaper thrills.
Bill Watterson
In the short term, it would make me happy to go play outside. In the long term, it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful. But in the VERY long term, I know which will make better memories.
Bill Watterson
To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, but it's still allowed, and I think you'll be happier for the trouble.
Bill Watterson
CALVIN:As usual goodness hardly puts up a fight.
Bill Watterson
CALVIN:When I grow up I want to be an inventor. First I will invent a time machine. Then I'll come back to yesterday and take myself to tomorrow and skip this dumb assignment.
Bill Watterson
If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life.
Bill Watterson
Hobbes: Do you think there's a God?Calvin: Well, somebody's out to get me!
Bill Watterson
CALVIN:This whole Santa Claus thing just doesn't make sense. Why all the secrecy? Why all the mystery?If the guy exists why doesn't he ever show himself and prove it?And if he doesn't exist what's the meaning of all this?HOBBES:I dunno. Isn't this a religious holiday? CALVIN:Yeah, but actually, I've got the same questions about God.
Bill Watterson
When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.
Bill Watterson
I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.
Bill Watterson
Reality continues to ruin my life.
Bill Watterson