Bill Watterson Quotes

Life is full of surprises, but never when you need one.

I have all these great genes, but they're recessive. That's the problem here.

You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don't help.

Calvin: As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You've taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.

Bill Watterson

What fun is it being cool if you can't wear a sombrero?

Bill Watterson

You can make your superhero a psychopath, you can draw gut-splattering violence, and you can call it a "graphic novel," but comic books are still incredibly stupid.

Bill Watterson

Some days you get up and you already know that things aren't going to go well. They're the type of days when you should just give in, put your pajamas back on, make some hot chocolate and read comic books in bed with the covers up until the world looks more encouraging. Of course, they never let you do that.

Bill Watterson

I'm a misunderstood genius.""What's misunderstood?""Nobody thinks I'm a genius.

Bill Watterson

There are few things less comforting than a tiger who's been up too late.

Bill Watterson

Calvin : There's no problem so awful, that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse.

Bill Watterson

Nowadays, ads don't just sell a product. They sell an attitude! Look at this one! Here's a cool guy saying nobody tells him what to do. He does whatever he wants and he buys this product as a reflection of that independence. So basically, this maverick is urging everyone to express his individuality through conformity in brand-name selection?

Bill Watterson

Calvin: Dear Santa, before I submit life to your scrutiny, I demand to know who made YOU the matter of my fate?! Who are YOU to question my behavior, HUH??? What gives you the right?! Hobbes: Santa makes the toys, so he gets to decide who to give them to.Calvin: Oh.

Bill Watterson

Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer.... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?

Bill Watterson

Susie: Hi Calvin! Aren't you excited about going to school? Look at all these great school supplies I got! I love having new notebooks and stuff!Calvin:All I've got to say is they're not making me learn any foreign languages. If English is good enough for me, then by golly, it's good enough for the rest of the world! Everyone should just speak English or shut up, that's what I say!Susie: You should maybe check the chemical content of your breakfast cereal.

Bill Watterson

As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.

Bill Watterson

I wish people were more like animals. Animals don't try to change you or make you fit in. They just enjoy the pleasure of your company. Animals aren't conditional about friendships. Animals like you just the way you are. They listen to your problems, they comfort you when you're sad, and all they ask in return is a little kindness.

Bill Watterson

You know, sometimes the world seems like a pretty mean place.' 'That's why animals are so soft and huggy.

Bill Watterson

I don't think I'd have been in such a hurry to reach adulthood if I'd known the whole thing was going to be ad-libbed.

Bill Watterson

On gray days, when it's snowing or raining, I think you should be able to call up a judge and take an oath that you'll just read a good book all day, and he'd allow you to stay home.

Bill Watterson

Hold it. You know what I'd like to see? I'd like to see the three bears eat the three little pigs, and then the bears join up with the big bad wolf and eat Goldilocks and Little Red Riding Hood! Tell me a story like that, OK?

Bill Watterson

Cigars are all the rage, dad. You should smoke cigars!" - Calvin"Flatulence could be all the rage, but it would still be disgusting." - Calvin's mom

Bill Watterson

Calvin: The more you know, the harder it is to take decisive action. Once you are informed, you start seeing complexities and shades of gray. You realize nothing is as clear as it first appears. Ultimately, knowledge is paralyzing. Being a man of action, I cannot afford to take that risk. Hobbes: You're ignorant, but at least you act on it.

Bill Watterson

Maybe we can eventually make language a complete impediment to understanding.

Bill Watterson

We don't value craftsmanship anymore! All we value is ruthless efficiency, and I say we deny our own humanity that way! Without appreciation for grace and beauty, there's no pleasure in creating things and no pleasure in having them! Our lives are made drearier, rather than richer! How can a person take pride in his work when skill and care are considered luxuries! We're not machines! We have a human need for craftsmanship!

Bill Watterson

BE CAREFUL, OR BE ROADKILL!

Bill Watterson

Until you stalk and overrun, you cannot devour anyone.-Hobbes

Bill Watterson

Some people are pragmatists, taking things as they come and making the best of the choices available. Some people are idealists, standing for principle and refusing to compromise. And some people just act on any whim that enters their heads. I wonder which one YOU are. I pragmatically turn my whims into principles!

Bill Watterson

You know, maybe we don't need enemies.""Yeah, best friends aree about all I can take.

Bill Watterson

I wish I had more friends, but people are such jerks. If you can just get most people to leave you alone, you're doing good. If you can find even one person you really like, you're lucky. And if that person can also stand you, you're really lucky.

Bill Watterson

They say the world is a stage. But obviously the play is unrehearsed and everybody is ad-libbing his lines.""Maybe that’s why it’s hard to tell if we’re living in a tragedy or a farce.""We need more special effects and dance numbers.

Bill Watterson

If good things lasted forever, would we appreciate how precious they are?

Bill Watterson

Creating a life that reflects your values and satisfies your soul is a rare achievement. In a culture that relentlessly promotes avarice and excess as the good life, a person happy doing his own work is usually considered an eccentric, if not a subversive. Ambition is only understood if it’s to rise to the top of some imaginary ladder of success. Someone who takes an undemanding job because it affords him the time to pursue other interests and activities is considered a flake. A person who abandons a career in order to stay home and raise children is considered not to be living up to his potential — as if a job title and salary are the sole measure of human worth.You’ll be told in a hundred ways, some subtle and some not, to keep climbing, and never be satisfied with where you are, who you are, and what you’re doing. There are a million ways to sell yourself out, and I guarantee you’ll hear about them.To invent your own life’s meaning is not easy, but it’s still allowed, and I think you’ll be happier for the trouble.

Bill Watterson

History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That's why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.

Bill Watterson

When a person pauses in mid-sentence to choose a word, that's the best time to jump in and change the subject! It's like an interception in football! You grab the others guy's idea and run the opposite way with it! The more sentences you complete, the higher your score! The idea is to block the other guy's thoughts and express your own! That's how you win!Conversations aren't contests!Ok, a point for you, but I'm still ahead.

Bill Watterson

I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long.

Bill Watterson

How come we play war and not peace?""Too few role models.

Bill Watterson

Dad, how do soldiers killing each other solve the world's problems?

Bill Watterson

Rainy days should be spent at home with a cup of tea and a good book.

Bill Watterson

That's the whole problem with science. You've got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder.

Bill Watterson

I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin

Bill Watterson

That's the whole problem with science. You've got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder.

Bill Watterson

I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin

Bill Watterson

There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.

Bill Watterson

At school, new ideas are thrust at you every day. Out in the world, you'll have to find your inner motivation to seek for new ideas on your own.

Bill Watterson

You can present the material, but you can't make me care.

Bill Watterson

You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!!

Bill Watterson

I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.

Bill Watterson

CALVIN:Our hero regains consciousness at the feet of a sarcastic alien.

Bill Watterson

The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning and inhibit clarity.

Bill Watterson

That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!

Bill Watterson

Calvin:"It says here that 'religion is the opiate of the masses.'...what do you suppose that means?"Television: "...it means that Karl Marx hadn't seen anything yet

Bill Watterson

But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He's one of the old gods! He demands sacrifice!

Bill Watterson

Hey Susie Derkins, is that your face, or is a 'possum stuck in your collar?

Bill Watterson

[Calvin, who has the chicken pox, calls Susie on the telephone.] Susie: Hello? Calvin: Hi, Susie! It's me, Calvin! I was wondering if you'd like to come over and play. Susie: Why, sure! Boy, I don't think you've ever invited me to... Calvin's Mom: Calvin, what are you doing? Calvin: Nothing, Mom. Go away. Calvin's Mom: You're contagious! You can't have anyone over to play! Calvin: Shhhh! Shhhh! You'll spoil the whole thing! I was going to trick Susie into catching... HEY! OW! LET GO! Susie: [Hanging up the phone] Any chance of getting transferred, Dad?

Bill Watterson

Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess.

Bill Watterson

I like maxims that don't encourage behavior modification.-Calvin

Bill Watterson

Specifically, I’d like to debate whether cannibalism ought to be grounds for leniency in murders, since it’s less wasteful.

Bill Watterson

I'm a 21st-century kid trapped in a 19th-century family.

Bill Watterson

I'm not a vegetarian! I'm a dessertarian!

Bill Watterson

1 2 Next