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I realize we all walk around pretending we have some control over our fate, because to recognize the truth–that no matter what we do, the bottom will fall out when we least expect it–is just too unbearable to live with.

Julie Buxbaum

I realize we all walk around pretending we have some control over our fate, because to recognize the truth–that no matter what we do, the bottom will fall out when we least expect it–is just too unbearable to live with.

Julie Buxbaum
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And now that I've been exposed to this feeling, perfect mouth against perfect mouth, the natural order of things, I wonder why people don't kiss all day, every day. How does anything ever get done?
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I mean , I never even had to really come out to my parents. They always knew, and it was always okay. Or not even okay, better than that. Not something that had to be evaluated at all. It just was. Like having brown hair.
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Tears are kind of like urine. There is only so long you can hold them in.
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Tears are kind of like urine. There's only so long you can hold them in.
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There’s nothing lonelier than a hand on glass. Maybe because it’s so rarely reciprocated.
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I think that's what people do with the holidays. They wrap it up all neatly with a turkey and clever gifts and lots of eggnog and laugh and laugh, but at the end of the day there are always people missing from the table. And you have to either sit with those empty chairs and laugh, or you can choose not to come to the table at all. I would rather come to the table.
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Just so you know, I realize that what happened is not in any way okay, but I think we're going to have to pretend like it is.Because it wasn't okay and never will be. We will power through it; I will continue to power through it-all the stagnant, soul-crushing grief-but it will never be okay that my mom is not here.
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Because if I'm going to spend at least seventy-five percent of my waking hours doing something, I want that something to have meaning. I am tired of wasting my time. I am starting to realize that I want my life to matter in every way that it can.
Julie Buxbaum
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