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I have a date,’ he explained. ‘This is an emergency.’ He paused to catch his breath. ‘Do you know’ – breath – ‘how to iron?’ I walked over to the pink shirt. It was wrinkled like an old woman who’d spent her youth sunbathing. If only the Colonel didn’t ball up his every belonging and stuff it into random dresser drawers. ‘I think you just turn it on and press it against the shirt, right?’ I said. ‘I don’t know. I didn’t even know we had an iron.’ ‘We don’t. It’s Takumi’s. But Takumi doesn’t know how to iron, either. And when I asked Alaska, she started yelling, “You’re not going to impose the patriarchal paradigm on me.” Oh God, I need to smoke. I need to smoke, but I can’t reek when I see Sara’s parents. Okay, screw it. We’re going to smoke in the bathroom with the shower on. The shower has steam. Steam gets rid of wrinkles, right?
